Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone’s here
Everyone’s here
Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before
The questions that runs through my mind as I listen to this song over and over again:
1)Who are the "everybody's" watching me?
2)What move will I make next?
3)What will these "everybody's" say about it?
4)Why do these "everybody's" have such control over me?
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Problems caused....
"Look at the problems you cause me to have..." I don't understand these words. What problems? I run around trying to find the best solution so he doesn't have to worry about me. I hide things from him so he doesn't worry if I'm okay, or if I need something. I find my way around. I find a way to get what I need. I avoid asking him for things I do need so he can be happy. I haven't gotten into major trouble. I've worked my butt off to make him happy, and all I get is "Look at the problems you cause me to have..." I don't understand!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Epysodes and the ride called Life
Epysodes is a place I hadn't been to in almost 3 years. That's where a group of us went to last night, and man, did we have a blast. It was so awesome being out there and just having a good time dancing and enjoying ourselves. My friends were a bit surprised that I even danced, since I have a tendency to not do so at the parties that we go to. But hey, it's a club, how can you not dance???
Being out there brought back some fun memories of when I first started going to Epysodes with my friend Laura. Good time...good times!
And now, after getting home at 5:30 am, and sleeping for only 7 hours, here I am debating what to do. I have a movie date with a couple of friends tonight. We're watching Oceans 13. We'd planned on having an "Oceans" marathon, but I doubt that's going to happen.
My room (at the parents home) is a disaster! I should probably clean it up. And it is also Sunday, meaning that tomorrow I will be quizzed on my reading assignments. I haven't even looked at my history reading assignment! Whoops.
A couple of deep thoughts for today:
Aman has this thing on her myspace that says "Life isn't about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself." I've always liked reading that little statement on her profile. It reminds me of my cousins words when she said, "You're finding out who you are. You're free to discover new things now, and able to create your own world." All I can think is I already am somebody, I just haven't been able to figure out what it is that I am. Aman told me the other day, "Have a little more faith in yourself. You are capable of so many things, but you don't trust yourself enough." Hmmmm...that has definitely left me thinking.
Here is one thing that has been on my mind for some time. I heard this song by Gary Allan called "Life Ain't Always Beautiful". The main words of the song go like this:
Life aint always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart
Life aint always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day
But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time
CHORUS
No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride
Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin all these lonely miles
etc.
This song really describes how I have felt for sometime. But more importantly, it isn't so much what I have felt as it is what I have learned. Life isn't always beautiful. How nice it would be if it were. But there are two things that I really like about this song.
"But struggles make you stronger, and changes make you wiser." You could have asked me back in March if I were strong, and I would have said "HECK NO!" My friends saw it, everyone saw it. I even look back and see how weak I was, how weak I am, and perhaps how weak I will always be. But the difference being that what I've been through, my struggles, have made me stronger in one way or another. I do see myself as a stronger person now than what I was months ago.
Then there's the other line I really like. "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride". I see the changes I've been through and think what a ride I have been on. I think of where I was before moving to Commerce, to last Spring with one friend, to this past Fall with changes in my church life, to this last semester and changes in friends. I have a sense of freedom where as before I felt as if I wasn't my own person. Don't know if that makes sense. I have friends that don't judge, totally understand and respect opinions and decisions made. I'd like to think it's the same for all of my friends.
I'm on a roller coaster ride right now. There's no other way to explain it. I have my ups and downs, more ups than downs these days, thank God! But it's all a ride.
Being out there brought back some fun memories of when I first started going to Epysodes with my friend Laura. Good time...good times!
And now, after getting home at 5:30 am, and sleeping for only 7 hours, here I am debating what to do. I have a movie date with a couple of friends tonight. We're watching Oceans 13. We'd planned on having an "Oceans" marathon, but I doubt that's going to happen.
My room (at the parents home) is a disaster! I should probably clean it up. And it is also Sunday, meaning that tomorrow I will be quizzed on my reading assignments. I haven't even looked at my history reading assignment! Whoops.
A couple of deep thoughts for today:
Aman has this thing on her myspace that says "Life isn't about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself." I've always liked reading that little statement on her profile. It reminds me of my cousins words when she said, "You're finding out who you are. You're free to discover new things now, and able to create your own world." All I can think is I already am somebody, I just haven't been able to figure out what it is that I am. Aman told me the other day, "Have a little more faith in yourself. You are capable of so many things, but you don't trust yourself enough." Hmmmm...that has definitely left me thinking.
Here is one thing that has been on my mind for some time. I heard this song by Gary Allan called "Life Ain't Always Beautiful". The main words of the song go like this:
Life aint always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart
Life aint always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day
But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time
CHORUS
No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride
Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin all these lonely miles
etc.
This song really describes how I have felt for sometime. But more importantly, it isn't so much what I have felt as it is what I have learned. Life isn't always beautiful. How nice it would be if it were. But there are two things that I really like about this song.
"But struggles make you stronger, and changes make you wiser." You could have asked me back in March if I were strong, and I would have said "HECK NO!" My friends saw it, everyone saw it. I even look back and see how weak I was, how weak I am, and perhaps how weak I will always be. But the difference being that what I've been through, my struggles, have made me stronger in one way or another. I do see myself as a stronger person now than what I was months ago.
Then there's the other line I really like. "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride". I see the changes I've been through and think what a ride I have been on. I think of where I was before moving to Commerce, to last Spring with one friend, to this past Fall with changes in my church life, to this last semester and changes in friends. I have a sense of freedom where as before I felt as if I wasn't my own person. Don't know if that makes sense. I have friends that don't judge, totally understand and respect opinions and decisions made. I'd like to think it's the same for all of my friends.
I'm on a roller coaster ride right now. There's no other way to explain it. I have my ups and downs, more ups than downs these days, thank God! But it's all a ride.
Monday, June 11, 2007
ADD???
I am begining to wonder if I have ADD. I can no longer concentrate when reading. I can't read without stopping every 5 minutes or so and think of something else. It's quite frustrating. I have so much reading I need to do for my classes, and I can't ever finish what I need to do. I barely want to begin because I know I'm not going to get far. I'm begining to worry about this whole summer school stuff. I don't know if I can do it. Two books per week in one class, and several chapters out of two different books for the other. I have a strong urge to just drop all my classes and take a break. But oh what would become of that decision? It would take me longer to graduate. Ugh! Decisions, decisions!
Any suggestions? I'm about to give up here!
Any suggestions? I'm about to give up here!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
I hate this body!
I can't remember a time that I have been sick for this long. It is now a full week since I started feeling sick. It's gone from sore throat and headache to a stomach thing to sore throat and headache again to what now appears to be an ear infection. I finally had a few days of no school and I had to spend my time inside the apartment doing nothing but attempting to sleep and watch movies. I hate this, absolutely hate it. I hate this body! Cannot wait for my new one....
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