Bring the Rain

I discovered this song yesterday. The words made me think of what my family is going through at this moment, more importantly, my aunt. My aunt (my mom's best friend of 40+ years) has been battling cancer for the past two years. In March of '05, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was doing okay, her body was fighting it quite well. Then in February of this year, they found not only that the cancer had spread throughout the body, but they also found many tumors in her brain. There were so many, that it was too risky to try to have surgery. Since then, her health began to decline greatly. July 29th, we got the call that she probably wouldn't go beyond a month. Today, exactly one month later, the doctor has said that she probably won't even make it through the night. 12 hours, that was his call.

My aunt has had her struggles just like everyone else. But what I've admired the most about her is that she fought every struggle with a smile and positive attitude. She never let anything bring her down. She's always been a fighter. Yet what I saw almost two weeks ago, I couldn't help but say that that wasn't her. She was helpless, could do nothing for herself, not even feed herself. I actually helped to feed, bathe, clothe, and even medicate her. You could tell that she was fighting, but fighting something that was completely out of her hands.

When I initially arrived at my aunt's, I was very scared to see her. All I could think is, "I'm going to see someone that has no hope in something better after this struggle ends". I saw her as fighting death because she did not know what would happen if she let go. And then, my cousin from Florida (her daughter) called me one day. As we talked, I asked her, "Has my tia (aunt) trusted Christ?" Her answer, "Yes she has. She became angry because she couldn't understand why she's had to suffer like this. But she's come to terms with it being God's will." That news brought some peace to my heart. But it was still very difficult to see her suffering the way she was.

Today, as I spoke with my cousin on the phone, both crying our hearts out, we reminded each other that we would one day get to see her again. We know the ending of this struggle is best for her. She will no longer be suffering or in pain. But more importantly, she'll be in the presence of the One that has given her life. But we still grieve.

I hate having to sit at home, knowing that they are 20+ hours away, just waiting for that moment. I sit in my apartment, with my phone at hand. I debate, "Do I call, or do I wait? Should I send a message? Do I call my cousin to check on her, see how my cousin is doing? Do I ask if my aunt is still alive?" I absolutely hate it. I feel a need within me, to be there with them. I want to be there, hold my cousin(s), comfort them as much as I can. I wish I had what it takes totake this pain away. Yet I know that I don't and I can't. My cousin tried to comfort me by saying, "You came when God felt he needed you to be here the most. He needs you there (in Texas)." It's a hard thing to grasp.

It's 2:43 am. The latest, 30 minutes ago, my aunt's breathing has slowed down greatly. Once again, I just sit with the phone in hand.

God has definitely brought the rain into our family these last few weeks, days, and especially hours. But in spite of the pain that it has caused, we will continue to praise Him, for He knows why it is that He does what He does. We can't fully understand, and probably never will. But He shall be our comfort during this time. And we will rejoice, because my aunt is going to the place that we anxiously await to go to.

"I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray"

Bring the Rain by MercyMe