Praise and plea...

I found out today where I will be working my last week at Blue Ivey. I'll be working with the first teacher I worked with when I first started four years ago. I'll also be working in what I always considered my classroom. And I'll get to be with my pre-school 3 class I had last year(04-05), which will now be kindergartners. Awww...

Anyway. After finding that out, I continued on with my routine: get some lunch, go to my naproom, get all the kids to go to sleep, and finally eat and read. I've been going through "The One Year Book of Praying Through the Bible" by Cheri Fuller. Sandi gave me this for my birthday a couple of years ago, and must say I've really enjoyed it!

Today's devotioanl was focused on Psalm 35:10: I will praise him from the bottom of my heart: "Lord, who can compare with you? Who else rescues the weak and helpless from the strong? Who else protects the poor and needy from those who want to rob them?"

Fuller describes how early on in Psalm 35, David is crying out to God as his enemies were trying to destroy him. "He expresses his fears concerning his foes and cries out to God to rescue him and to defeat those who are opposing him." I love what she writes next, "But then David picks up his best weapon of all - worship. As he praises the Lord from the depths of his heart, his attitude goes from discouragement to hope, from desperation to devotion."

Funny, when I pray to God because of difficult circumstances, I don't see myself praising or worshipping God. I see myself crying out to him for help, but that's about it. This thought was harder for me to take in as I read a quote by Joni Eareckson Tada, "Most of the verses written about praise in God's Word were penned by men and women who faced crushing heartaches, injustice, treachery, slander, and scores of other intolerable situations."

What drew those men and women to praise God during such difficult times? How did Job not turn away from God as Satan thought he would? And what about David? In his Psalms, he is always praising God in one way or another in the midst of trials. What in us causes us to turn to God in ugly situations and cry for help, yet fail to praise him for who he is and what he has given us, the gift of life?

Or is it just me? Am I the only one that prays without praising? Do you see yourself doing the same? Or can you truly say that you praise God even during the difficult times?

The move back....

It is now the 17th...6 days away from making my first trip back to Commerce! I'm begining to feel excited, anxious, and nervous. I'm happy to be starting school without having to work! That way I'll be able to concentrate on school and a few projects on the side. I'll be living in a new hall, with a dorm that will definitely have the feel of an apartment. You'd have to see the rooms at Whitley to understand the difference between this one and the "regular" rooms. Anyway...

I picked up a lay-away I had at Wal-Mart on Monday. I just love that store! I bought some black matted frames to put up some pictures I took while I was in Maryland. And today, I went to pick up the second part of the lay-away, my bedding. I have decided on new colors for my side of the room: dark brown (or chocolate) and khaki. I'm all about the neutral colors right now. I would have bought brown frames for the pictures to match, but the pictures are in B&W, and brown just didn't seem to match. Oh, and I got a telephone for my room! Why am I excited about a telephone, I have no clue!

I still have a few things that I need to get, but i am trying to not spend money if it isn't necessary. So I figure that if it's really necessary, I can just hop over to Wal-Mart, which is next door to my hall, and buy whatever I need. I'm also trying to not take everything from my room at home to Commerce. But I can already tell you that will be hard. I'm the type of person that always thinks, "I don't need this...but wait...what if I need it for _______?" That has been the thing that has prevented me from throwing so many things away!

J will be helping me move in next Saturday. I'm excited about her going. I'm hoping that we'll get to spend more than just "moving-in time" in Commerce so I can take her to the Cowhill Express, only the cutest little coffee shop in Commerce and show her the campus (BTW, just a bit of history for ya. Commerce used to be called Cowhill, TX. Believe, I'd rather say that I live in Commerce instead of Cowhill!)

I can't wait for this week, and part of next week to be over! I get next Wednesday off so I can go sign in and get my room key. I can't wait! The 5 of us - Erin, Loma, Alyssa, Sophie and I - hopefully will get to see each other. Then back to work for only 2 more days, until September/October.

I'm wondering what God will be doing in my life this semester. I honestly do wonder! One thing I am praying for is a sense of direction! For the past couple of years, I've been a bit confused as to where my life is going. I went from being an Elementary Ed major to an English major. I'm still an English major, I just don't know why. I do, however, find myself committing more and more to ministry projects. Yesterday, someone made the comment of, "You seem to be very busy. Are you in school? I know you're heading up a few things here at church? Is that what's keeping you so busy?" My only response was this, "I want to prepare for ministry. The only opportunity I have right now is during the summer time, so I do say yes quite a bit to church projects. If I could be up here every day, I'd do it!" And I think God is definitely calling me to do something in ministry, I just don't know what. Hence, the prayer for direction....

In the meantime, I'll enjoy the new semester living away from home once again, with my friends, and reading 24/7. Here's one good final note. Rest assured that I will be going to classes everyday and making good grades this semester. I missed quite a bit last semester for a reason or two. A friend I met in two of my classes called me a couple of weeks ago and said, "I know where you're gonna live. The minute I walk into class and don't see you there, I will come to your room, and drag your butt out of bed and into class!" What a friend :-)

Away from the everyday life...

My family and I went to Arkansas this weekend to visit two of my cousins. We left Friday night on what was supposed to be a 5 1/2 hour drive. It ended up being a 7 hour drive after stopping three times and then getting lost for about 30 minutes. I told my parents, "This is the last time you invite my aunt, all her kids and grandkids!" Besides arriving in Pottsville at 3 a.m. everything else was pretty good.

On Saturday, we drove out to a swimming hole near Dover, Ar, Long Pool Recreation Center. It was awesome! The drive up there was amazing, we literally drove up and down mountains. Now, if you know me, nature is the one thing that can call my name and I will run to it without hesitation. I was in heaven as we drove past the pine trees, saw the scenic views from the top of the mountain, walked through the stream/river, and actually swam in it.

I wasn't fortunate to be around people that understood my love for nature and my need to take pictures of it. E, I so wished you were the one driving! I must say, I appreciated you even more as my parents continously said, "Why shoud I stop so you can take a picture of a tree/bug/water...etc???" Thanks for understanding my picture-taking obsession! I was only able to take like 5 pictures.

This was something I was fascinated with!This is a gigantic rock (for a lack of better words) from which everyone was jumping off of. It was so neat to be swimming right in front of it. Can't explain the feeling. Erin, you may remember that I didn't set foot in the river at Harper's Ferry because there were these little itty-bitty fish. LOL. I had to suck it up this time because my 4 year old god-daughter asked me to take her in the water. I freaked out at first(without letting her know it). But after realizing that the fish, half the size of my little toe, would swim away immediately, I was okay. What drew me the most was how still the water looked around the rock. It's so clear in this picture. See it? Again, I'm a bit obsessed about the little things in nature.

This was what really relaxed me the most. As I looked around at the trees, the eagles flying around, the clouds and the sun, I couldn't do anything more than just stare. All I could think of is this amazing song by Chris Tomlin:

"You Do All Things Well"

Mountain maker
Ocean tamer
Glimpses of You
Burn in my eyes
The worship of heaven
Fills up the skies

You made it all
Said, "let there be"
And there was
All that we see
The sound of Your voice
The works of Your hands
You do all things well
You do all things well
You do all things well

Star creator
Wind breather
The strokes of Your beauty
Brushed through the clouds
Light from the heavens
Touching the ground

You made it all
Said, "let there be"
And there was
All that we see
The sound of Your voice
The works of Your hands
You do all things well
You do all things well
You do all things well

Imagination runs wild
And breathes the breath of life
Across the fields
Across the miles

You made it all
Said, "let there be"
And there was
All that we see
The sound of Your voice
The works of Your hands
You do all things well
You do all things well
You do all things well

Lost my frame of thought...now I must go listen to that song...

Book Tag

So I saw my name on Erin's list of tagged people. Thanks buddy! :) Funny thing is that I rarely read books. I remember more of the books that I read from elementary - high school than I do recently. Ooh, hope Sandi doesn't see that. :) So here goes:

1. One book that changed your life: Night by Eli Wiesel - This was simply an amzing book to read in tenth grade, as we talked about the Holocaust in my history class.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once: I Promise I'll Find You by Heather Patricia Ward and Sheila McGraw - What can I say? I work with kids everyday. The day I discovered this book, it became my favorite book to read to my 3/4 year olds. They even know the song now!

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: Don't know if there would be a point? I'd probably use the pages to light up a fire!

4. One book that made you laugh: 101 Questions Children Ask About God (Questions Children Ask) by David R. Veerman, James C. Galvin, and James C. - Wilhoit - Once again, I work with kids. LOL. I'd have to say that the comics in the book were more or less the cause of my laughter than the actual questions.

5. One book that made you cry: A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer - This has been the saddest book I've read. We read this book in my 10th grade child development class. I am truly amazed that this guy was able to survive the torture that his mother put him through!

6. One book that you wish had been written: Step-by-Step Guide to Dating (LOL) - A book that tells me what to say, when to say it, how to say it, etc...I think you get the idea.

7. One book that you wish had never been written: Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson and Kenneth H. Blanchard - I read this book along with my co-workers at the fist day care I worked at; the boss told us we had to read it. I understood and learned nothing from this book! If someone has read it and knows what it's about, more power to ya.

8. One book you’re currently reading: A Woman God Can Lead by Alice Mathews - I've been reading this book for about two weeks now. Thought I'd read it to get a preview of what our speaker might be talking about at retreat. ;)

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: The Secret of Loving by Josh McDowell - Erin, I've tried making time for this book, but just haven't been able to! Perhaps I'll read it during my free-time in Commerce. :)

10. Now tag five people: Hmmm...this will probably be the last of this, considering everyone that does read my blog seems to have already been tagged. LOL. Whoever wishes to continue this, if you happen to come across it, by all means, do it! Have fun with it!

I think I figured it out!

So I think I've finally come to a conclusion with the testing/temptation words. You can use both words in the same sense, but it depends on who you're crediting for what. From what I have read, you can say "God is testing me to see if my faith is truly in him" or "God is allowing me to be tempted so that he can see if my faith is in him." and "Satan tempts me to sin to blind me from God's love and grace." How does that sound to you?

God allows Satan to tempt us, if you consider God's conversation with Satan in the book of Job. He, however, isn't the cause of us falling for that temptation. Temptation (sin) already lives within us. It is a part of us, as well all know, we are all sinners. God simply allows Satan to spark that desire for the temptation. God does it to see where we really stand in our faith.

I guess my confusion came in where I began to think a bit harder and thought, "Well if God is telling Satan to go ahead and tempt Job, then he's causing it to happen period." But the problem there is that temptation harms us, not helps us. I Tim 6:9 states, "But people who [long to be rich] fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction." Temptation brings upon our lives "ruin and destruction". It doesn't build us up or bring glory to God. And that is what God seeks, that we glorify him through our words and actions. Why would God tempt us to fall into sin and bring glory to Satan and not him?

With that in mind, would God allow ruin and destruction to come into our lives? That's not his desire for us. His desire is to show us his love, mercy, and grace so that we may see who he is and lift him up in our praises. Does he allow pain and trials to come into our lives? Yes! The youth learned that this week on Tuesday night. James showed them that in 1:2, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds," So trials will come, and perhaps temptation will come along with those trials (the easy way out). But consider trials as God's way of loving us and desiring for us to grow in our faith and build endurance; and look at temptation as Satans way of blinding us from our great Father's love. When you think about it, that's really what it does. I won't explain how I finally reasoned that thought out...I'll leave that up to you to figure out.

Tested/Tempted, what's the difference?

I’ve been reading the book of James for the past two weeks or so. If you've read James before, you'll know that it has 5 chapters. So obviously, I've read it more than once.

There have been two verses that have stuck in my mind from day one.

James 1:13-15
And remember, no one who wants to do wrong should ever say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else either. Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires. These evil desires lead to evil actions, and evil actions lead to death.

I got confused when I read “he never tempts anyone”, because I understood it as, “He never tests anyone”. So I looked at the footnotes, which led me to more scripture. It ultimately led me to the footnotes of Genesis 22:1:

Test. Not “tempted” for God does not tempt (Jas 1:13). Satan tempts us (see 1 Co 7:5) in order to make us fall; God tests us in order to confirm our faith (Ex 20:20) or prove our commitment (Dt 8:2).

This made me think of Job, and the conversation that God has with Satan, in which Satan says, “But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.” And God’s response to Satan was, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” It sounds like God is allowing Job to be tempted by Satan. From that previous footnote, is says that Satan tempts, and I understand that I just said that God allowed Job to be tempted by Satan. So God won’t tempt us but allow us to be tempted?

So I continued to search and looked up the word tempted in my NKJ Bible dictionary:

To put to the test; to try, prove, tempt. Te basic idea is to put someone to the test to see how he will respond, as in 1 Kin 10:1. Abraham was tested by God(Gen 22:1) to the utmost degree. David called for God to test his mind and heart, confident that he would pass this test (Ps 26:2, 3). It is God’s privilege to test man; it is not man’s right to test God.

You'd think that would clear up the confusion wiith the words tempted and tested? But it hasn't, because in my mind, tempted still means the same as tested. However, Gen 22:1 says that Satan tempts, not God; God only tests us. Yet it seems with Job that God allowed him to be tempted not tested... So, can you tell me what the difference is between the two words? Whats the result of each?

Titus 2:3-5

The ladies have been doing a study on Titus for the last four weeks. This upcoming week will be the last week. Anyway...I had a difficult time really getting into this the first couple of weeks. Part of it could be that the first week we started I was getting ready for youth camp, and then I was actually at camp the second week. And last week, well I just wasn't totally there.

This week definitely caught my attention. We talked about the commands that Titus gives to the women, particularly older women. First, Titus explains the behavior older women are to exhibit in Titus 2:3: behavior fitting for those who are holy, not slandering, not slaves to excessive drinking, but teaching what is good. Verses 4 and 5 describes the things that the older women are to train the younger women in: to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, to fulfill their duties at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands. There were a few things mentioned Thursday night that have stuck with me.

First, I had never seen the command for older women to train the younger women. With that being said...The summer after I joined RBF, Jeni began to meet with me. We read through a book written by Chuck Swindoll, "Growing Deep: Exploring the Roots of Our Faith". This was the begining of her joining me in my walk with the Lord. What's funny is that it wasn't until two or three months later that I truly came to trust Christ. But by then, Jeni had began to show me what my walk with the Lord should be like. It has now been 3 years since she and I first began to meet, and she continues to train/mentor/disciple me. Jeni never seemed to feel like she had to get together with me or answer my questions. Kindnes and love is how I've always looked at it.

I have to note, though, that Jeni hasn't been the only one that has impacted my walk with the Lord. A couple of friends from church have, in my honest opinion, set a great examples to what a my life, as a Christian woman, should loo like. They probably haven't known it, but I have observed the things they say, the things they do, the way they interact with their kids, they way they talk about their husbands, life at home, etc. They might say, "You may not want to observe me!" But so far, they haven't given me a reason to question what they do or say.

With that thought, I now understand why the Bible commands us to do what is right in God's eyes and follow his commands, so that our actions don't discredit his Word and show who Christ is through us.

My only question now is am I ready to train someone younger than me. I have been praying about working with the youth, particularly the girls. I've been praying about this since before going to camp, and I feel that I have an answer but am scared to give it. I have to say that I may not be committing because I am afraid that I may not be ready to do this. But I read something that Kelley wrote for crosswalk.com this week on the same topic, and it hasn't left my mind. She quoted Norma Becker (someone I'd never heard of) and wrote this, "When a younger woman asking to be mentored suggested they pray about it, Norma responded with assurance: “We don't pray about commands".

So am I not following God's command or am I thinking in the right way? Should I not think and just say yes? Which is the right answer? As neat as the study was this week, is my heart not in the right place regarding this?

Random Questions....

I met w/J on Saturday to discuss two books that she had given me. I had a good time, we hadn't really spent anytime together all summer long, from what I can remember. So anyway...I had a few questions to her regarding I Kissed Dating Goodbye as well as the book of James in the Bible (the book I'm reading in the Bible right now). We started talking about the home life and I totally forgot about my questions. So I thought I'd put them up here and see what kind of responses I would receive. :)

I Kissed Dating Goodbye:
Joshua Harris speaks in one of his chapters about pollutants, "things God will ask us to remove from our hearts concerning the dating mentality." He states that one is infatuation. He states, "After placing God first in our lives, we need to continue to avoid infatuation by resolving not to feed attraction...attraction only grows into infatuation when we pamper it."And he goes on to say, "Each time we find ourselves attracted to someone, we have a choice to either leave it at attraction or allow our imaginations to carry us away." So my question(s) regarding infatuation/attraction is this: How is attraction fed? How do you leave attraction at attraction and not allow our imaginations to carry us away?

James (the Bible):
James 1:5-9 - James talks about asking God when we want to know what He wants us to do, when seeking wisdom. He starts off by saying, "If you need wisdom - if you want to know what God wants you to do - ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking." Then he continues by stating that if you ask God, to be sure you expect Him to answer. He then compares the doubtful mind to being "as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." He continues to state thhat people that are doubtful shouldn't expect to receive anything, because they can't make up their minds. So here's my question: A "doubtful mind", isn't that simply someone that doesn't have faith in God, Him answering, or in His response? Because it seems that if they trusted what God was telling them, they wouldn't have to struggle with making up their minds.

I'd ask another James question, but I'm still thinking about it in my mind....

One month left....

The excitement of Commerce is starting to creep up. I have one month before I head back to school. Although I do wonder how this semester will be...

I will now be living in the high rise building of Commerce, the tallest building there is, which is quite funny for everyone there. My dorm will be more of an "apartment" type feeling, although the room is actually just two rooms put together to make on. But I'll have a living room, my own closet, and one bathroom and shower. I'll get to share this with a friend that I met last semester. We are very excited. Although considering the circumstances of what happened last semester with the other friend, I have faith that this time things are going to be ok. I can't explain why. I know why, but would rather not say. But anyway, all my friends and me will be living in the same building. I'm so looking forward to that.

I'll also be working throughout this semester. I am wondering how that part will effect my school. I should say it isn't, because I learned the first two years of working with this school that I have to decide what is more important. I'd look for a job in Commerce, but there's no way I'd get paid as much as I do at this job. Well, actually, there is a job line up for me in Commerce with the districts transportation department. However, I had already told my boss that I'd be working in the fall, and she's already placed me somewhere in the new school. So I'm going to stick with it for as long as it allows me to stay on top of my school work. I've already looked ahead at the Spring, and it's looking like I may have to leave my job by then anyways. But we'll see.

I'll be taking four classes. I know I'll be doing a lot of reading, considering that my major is English. My classes seem pretty interesting: Contemporary Women Writers, Discipline of English, Survery of American Literature, and African-American Literature. Again, I know I'm going to be doing a lot of reading. :) And so far, by the sounds of it, one of my English major friends is going to be with me in every class, which I look forward to.

It's funny....I couldn't wait to come home for the summer, just because I missed it, my own room, my own bathroom, my house, my parents! But as soon as I came home, within a few weeks I was out in Maryland, then my mom left for 3 weeks to Mexico, I left for youth camp, I'll be leaving for Houston in a couple of weeks. So I have felt like I haven't come back to the normal life I had before leaving to Commerce. And in reality, I have missed being out in Commerce, on my own. I miss eating lunch and dinner with my friends, going over to Loma's and spending the afternoon there working on my piano/keyboard skills (LOL), watching movies with them, basically I miss my friends! I haven't really had to respond to anyone around here, considering if/when the folks are home, I'm out and about. But it's still different, I can't pinpoint what it is, but there's a difference. And all I can say is I can't wait to be back in Commerce in a month!

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

So about a month ago, Jeni and I were talking about this guy I was dating (its oficial that that is what we were doing after last nights conversation). Something happened in which I decided that it wasn't the best thing for me to be in at the moment. Jeni was a bit upset about the reason behind it (more along the lines of things that he had done, etc). As we were talking about it over Starbucks, she mentioned this book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. She said she had heard that it was a very good book.

A month later, here I am reading it, thanks to Jeni. I picked it up yesterday and read 5/6 chapters out of it. It's very interesting, I must say. He mentions that a lot of people know the book as the one that is telling girls to not date. But amazingly, the things he says are a lot of the things that I believe in (Erin, you may agree on some of these things too).

When I first started to talk to D, Kelley was kind enough to talk to me about barriers. The dating scene was fairly new to me, so I didn't know what to expect. One thing she told me was, "Have a physical barrier. You hug each other right now, but when you decide to hold hands, you can't go back as easily to just hugs. Then if you move to the next step, and say you kiss, it won't be easy to just holds hands anymore..." and so on. It was this nice of chain of "can't go back" to.

Joshua Harris states that "dating encourages romantic expectations." This is so true! I can only say that because even when I was uncertain what D and I were, all my friends would ask, "Have you kissed? Do you gus hold hands? Do you hold each other? What do you do?" These questions just simply brought on added pressures of not knowing what we were. And it reminded me of K physical barrier example. I was just, "Then what do I do? How do I know?" It was as if the phycial is what determined what we were. But Joshua Harris explains that the physical is what comes along with a commited relationship. Not one in which you're going to give part of yourself to one, and then another, and not whole-heartedly to the person you'll be with for the rest of your life. I really liked that.

K and E had both mentioned that going out in public places or group dating would be best. JH seems to agree with them. :) He says, "One-on-one dating has the tendency to move a guy and a girl beyond friendship and toward romance too quickly." And on top of that, he mentions "We don't ask for a level of intimacy and emotional loyalty that goes beyond our true level of commitment. If we're not able to deepin in commitment and pursue the possibility of marriage, we should halt the progression of intimacy at the friendship stage."

I really liked that last statement, because it just goes with how I feel about dating. I felt like I was ready to date, but now I see that it isn't dating what I want. I'm looking for more, for someone that is seeking the same level of commitment that I am. And I don't mean short term. Yeah, dating may help me find that one person. But if the person I am interested in, or is interested in me, is not seeking the same thing I am, why waist my time? That time I could be devoting to other things, like school, work, church, GOD!

Dating to me is when you're with the person that is seeking the same commitment you are seeking. And this book is definitely agreeing with me on that part. Joshua Harris isn't so much telling girl to not date! On the other hand, it seems that he's showing them what dating really involves, what the expectations are, and where one can go wrong in dating. And the way he puts things, it makes sense. It's like he says, "[But] ultimately my goal isn't to convince you to stop dating. I want to help you examine the aspects of your life that dating touches-the way you treat others, the way you prepare for your future mate, your personal purity-and look at what it means to bring these areas in line with God's word."

I remember asking friends, "Okay, so is there a book on dating out there that tells me right from wrong? Or how to date? Or a manual of some sort?" This isn't exactly a manual, but it's definitely a great book on dating and entrusting one's love life to God. This is exactly what I need several months ago! And so I shall continue to read it...

Oh, and D and I finally talked last night. After about three hours, I was finally able to say, "It's best if you prepare to move, and I look to what God has lined up for me." I did agree to go out with him before he leaves, but as a group thing or somewhere in public. But we'll see if that really happens.