Ok...so last night's post was a bit different. Those feelings I had as I posted were an onset of a battle I've had within me. I have been fighting something, something I'm not about to put out for everyone to read :), but it's been a battle. And last night, the fight was on!
When I realized what I had written, and the fight creeping up, I knew I had to win! This battle is coming from the one trying to keep me away from God, I know it. So I said, "You aren't winning this one!" I grabbed my keys, id, and mp3 player my dad so kindly bought me while in Arkansas. I hopped on my bike, put my music on, and just rode in the darkness. It was cloudy, and looked like it was going to rain. But that was okay, I knew why I wanted to be outside.
As I listened to Chris Tomlin and Big Daddy Weave (no, it isn't rap music :) ) and Nichole Nordeman, I sought the one I had not felt standing next to me earlier that night. I looked at His creation around me, and just admired Him for who He is. And through out the 30 minutes I was out riding on campus late at night, I didn't exactly feel His presence, but I knew that he was a lot closer to me than when I was fighting that battle earlier in my room.
I still don't understand many times why God will let us feel that He isn't with us. I feel it many times, lately I've come to see more some reasons why I might feel this way. I guess it's His way of reminding us that it's Him we need to keep before anyone and anything. But it's an awful feeling when I don't feel His presence. But He's there, waiting perhaps for me to make the first move to call out His name.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Nothing
I hear everything, yet all I hear is silence.
I do everything, yet all I do is nothing.
I feel everything, yet all I feel nothing.
I see everything, yet all I see is nothing.
I hear that friend that tells me what I need to do, yet her words carry no meaning.
I pick up the book where I've been told for the past three years carries all answers, yet no answers come out from within its pages.
I feel the touch of everything that surrounds me, yet the one touch I'm longing for, it is not near me.
I look out my window and see what is known to everyone as the world, yet to me everything looks unreal, the trees, the sky, the clouds, people, buildings...it's all unreal.
This is where I stand today. In the middle of nothing. I have searched, and searched, and talked to one I'm told to talk to, yet I get nothing. I do not hear His voice, I do not feel Him beside me.... Yet I know that He hasn't left me. Perhaps I've just made myself believe this for the sake of comforting those around me. But no, it is true, He hasn't left me! But then why do I feel abandoned. This feeling had disappeared not long ago, yet it is taking hold of me once again! Is this some kind of test? If it is, I'm ready for it to be over!
I hate this nothingness!
I do everything, yet all I do is nothing.
I feel everything, yet all I feel nothing.
I see everything, yet all I see is nothing.
I hear that friend that tells me what I need to do, yet her words carry no meaning.
I pick up the book where I've been told for the past three years carries all answers, yet no answers come out from within its pages.
I feel the touch of everything that surrounds me, yet the one touch I'm longing for, it is not near me.
I look out my window and see what is known to everyone as the world, yet to me everything looks unreal, the trees, the sky, the clouds, people, buildings...it's all unreal.
This is where I stand today. In the middle of nothing. I have searched, and searched, and talked to one I'm told to talk to, yet I get nothing. I do not hear His voice, I do not feel Him beside me.... Yet I know that He hasn't left me. Perhaps I've just made myself believe this for the sake of comforting those around me. But no, it is true, He hasn't left me! But then why do I feel abandoned. This feeling had disappeared not long ago, yet it is taking hold of me once again! Is this some kind of test? If it is, I'm ready for it to be over!
I hate this nothingness!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
62 Fun Things To Do at Wal-Mart
So I was talking to Erin through IM a couple of weeks ago, and was telling her about this "blog"(non-existant) that I'm part of in which we discuss the cafeteria food: What did your school have today? Was it good? Was it worth the 3 minute wait in line? Did you gag? I have the perfect recipe, you should suggest it to the staff! Were the servers talking today? Was Alex up to asking how your day has been? Or did he just pile the mush on your plate and throw it at you?Did that other lady ask you where your other half was at today?
It was quite funny when she asked me to give her the name of the blog. Haha! Well, she'll get a trip out of this one! We have two choices for fun in Commerce: Parties or Wal-Mart. As pathetic as this may sound, my friends and I fall under the "Wal-Mart" category. Erin thought that we should look into "Cafeteria Service" after the caf conversation. Can't imagine what she'll say after reading this.
I found this on our table when I walked into the room tonight...Here's a list of 62 Fun Things To Do at Wal-Mart (I'm sure the time was used efficiently by those who wrote this list out!):
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Look right into the security camer, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
3. Ride those little electronic car at the front of the store.
4. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
5. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
6. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
7. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at then minute intervals throughout the day.
8. Start playing Calvinball (or footbal, soccer, etc); see how many people you can get to join in.
9. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the air freshners.
10. Challenge all the other customers to duels with tubes of giftwrap.
11. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
12. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
13. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin, narrow isles.
14. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
15. Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes up to "10".
16. Play with the automatic doors.
17. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
18. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourlself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk anyway!?!"
19. Repeat number 14 in the jewelry department.
20. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive".
21. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
22. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
23. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow! Magic!"
24. Put M&M's on layaway.
25. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
26. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
27. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other isles.
28. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
29. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come, Robin - to the Batcave!"
30. TP as much of the store as possible.
31. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is. Then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "Hi!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)" When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl in the exact same way. "Hi!!!(giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)
32. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
33. Play with the calculators so that they spell "hello" upside down.
34. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone."
35. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between tem yelling, "Red Rover!"
36. Make up a nonsense product and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock. i.e. "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
37. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joe vs the X-Men.
38. Take bets on the battle described above.
39. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
40. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
41. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
42. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".
43. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
44. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
45. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
46. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
47. Two words: Marco Polo
48. Leave Cheerios in the Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
49. "Re-alphebatize" the CD's in Electronics
50. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
51. When someone steps awa from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
52. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
53. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
54. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
55. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
56. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation: EXP: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying, "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
57. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like, "the fat man walks alone" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
58. ***I should probably leave this one out! But man was I laughing hysterically!***
59. While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest rooms.
60. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
61. Stuff pairs of underwear and socks into pant pockets, mens sport coats, etc.
62. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
*Bonus* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
It was quite funny when she asked me to give her the name of the blog. Haha! Well, she'll get a trip out of this one! We have two choices for fun in Commerce: Parties or Wal-Mart. As pathetic as this may sound, my friends and I fall under the "Wal-Mart" category. Erin thought that we should look into "Cafeteria Service" after the caf conversation. Can't imagine what she'll say after reading this.
I found this on our table when I walked into the room tonight...Here's a list of 62 Fun Things To Do at Wal-Mart (I'm sure the time was used efficiently by those who wrote this list out!):
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Look right into the security camer, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
3. Ride those little electronic car at the front of the store.
4. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
5. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
6. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
7. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at then minute intervals throughout the day.
8. Start playing Calvinball (or footbal, soccer, etc); see how many people you can get to join in.
9. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the air freshners.
10. Challenge all the other customers to duels with tubes of giftwrap.
11. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
12. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
13. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin, narrow isles.
14. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
15. Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes up to "10".
16. Play with the automatic doors.
17. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
18. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourlself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk anyway!?!"
19. Repeat number 14 in the jewelry department.
20. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive".
21. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
22. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
23. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow! Magic!"
24. Put M&M's on layaway.
25. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
26. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
27. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other isles.
28. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
29. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come, Robin - to the Batcave!"
30. TP as much of the store as possible.
31. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is. Then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "Hi!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)" When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl in the exact same way. "Hi!!!(giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)
32. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
33. Play with the calculators so that they spell "hello" upside down.
34. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone."
35. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between tem yelling, "Red Rover!"
36. Make up a nonsense product and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock. i.e. "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
37. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joe vs the X-Men.
38. Take bets on the battle described above.
39. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
40. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
41. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
42. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".
43. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
44. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
45. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
46. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
47. Two words: Marco Polo
48. Leave Cheerios in the Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
49. "Re-alphebatize" the CD's in Electronics
50. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
51. When someone steps awa from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
52. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
53. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
54. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
55. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
56. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation: EXP: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying, "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
57. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like, "the fat man walks alone" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
58. ***I should probably leave this one out! But man was I laughing hysterically!***
59. While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest rooms.
60. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
61. Stuff pairs of underwear and socks into pant pockets, mens sport coats, etc.
62. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
*Bonus* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Feet...
"Who's feet have I been sitting at?"
This question came into my prayer tonight, among many things. Over the weekend, I came to realize that I am not where I need to be with Christ. That relationship I have been working on protecting, I have let go freely. I have become Martha, and am no longer Mary. I have not been sitting at the feet of Jesus.
I have been so busy being Martha, worrying about who's going to take up the different tasks, and who's going to make certain that things are getting done, and people are doing what they are supposed to, and that what I am doing is pleasing to everyone, I have totally left the path God asked me to follow in the begining. As a friend put it, I have not been worshipping the right person.
A friend has helped me through this journey of restoration in an amazing way in the last four days. It has been very difficult. To step back, look over the past year or so, and see the road that I have been taking, it's been painful. Tears was the only way to show it, Sunday night, Monday morning, afternoon, and night. Wake up, cry, fall asleep, wake up, cry, and fall asleep...that's all I could do. Immediately when I opened up my eyes Monday morning, my heart cried out to God, "How could I let go of you...just like that?!?!" Yet, He has not let go! I know, because if He had, I would not be feeling that tugging at my heart where the Holy Spirit is asking, "Who's feet are you sitting at today?"
Another friend told me tonight, "You can't minister to anyone if you aren't right with God." I heard this again as I picked up "A Woman God Can Lead" by Alice Mathews. She writes:
This question came into my prayer tonight, among many things. Over the weekend, I came to realize that I am not where I need to be with Christ. That relationship I have been working on protecting, I have let go freely. I have become Martha, and am no longer Mary. I have not been sitting at the feet of Jesus.
I have been so busy being Martha, worrying about who's going to take up the different tasks, and who's going to make certain that things are getting done, and people are doing what they are supposed to, and that what I am doing is pleasing to everyone, I have totally left the path God asked me to follow in the begining. As a friend put it, I have not been worshipping the right person.
A friend has helped me through this journey of restoration in an amazing way in the last four days. It has been very difficult. To step back, look over the past year or so, and see the road that I have been taking, it's been painful. Tears was the only way to show it, Sunday night, Monday morning, afternoon, and night. Wake up, cry, fall asleep, wake up, cry, and fall asleep...that's all I could do. Immediately when I opened up my eyes Monday morning, my heart cried out to God, "How could I let go of you...just like that?!?!" Yet, He has not let go! I know, because if He had, I would not be feeling that tugging at my heart where the Holy Spirit is asking, "Who's feet are you sitting at today?"
Another friend told me tonight, "You can't minister to anyone if you aren't right with God." I heard this again as I picked up "A Woman God Can Lead" by Alice Mathews. She writes:
"To get our service right, we get our priorities right. We let Jesus minister to us before we go out to minister for Him. That is God's order: we first love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, strength, and mind, and then we are prepared to go out and love our neighbor as ourselves. When we turn that upside down, we may end up feeling overworked and unappreciated. When we keep our priorities in line with God's priorities, we will find that God enables us to do what needs to be donw with joy and satisfaction." (p 240)
So what do I need to do to be Mary again? I pray, I cry out to God that He take over, and lead me in what direction to go in now. I want everything that I do be for His glory! Yes, as someone put it, "That word is tossed around so much." But this person also put it in this perspective, "Glory is evident in what we worship." I want all the glory to be for HIM, because that is who I worship. "You shall have no other god's before me" (Ex. 20:3).
I have seen that when the glory is not for Him, nothing good comes in return. And more importantly, I have felt what's it's like to be "distracted with much serving" (Luke 10:40, NIV) instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus. I must say, sitting at the feet of Jesus is a much sweeter place to be, from what I remember! How sad is that? I must sit at His feet, once again!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Thanksgiving
I got an email from a friend that said, "Can you believe it? Thanksgiving is next weekend!" Cannot believe it! 1998 comes to mind at Thanksgiving.
It was our first Thanksgiving we'd be spending in Chihuahua. It was a very special Thanksgiving for my mom and me. My mom prepared the turkey, and just about the entire meal at home in Rowlett, before heading out. We drove down there two days before Thanksgiving.
I remember driving up the beautiful mountains and thinking, "My dream is coming true in just a few days!" The entire purpose of our first Thanksgiving was so that we could bring my grandmother back with us. This would be her first time out of Mexico, out of Chihuahua, and at our home in Rowlett.
When I was little, we'd drive up those same mountains year after year. And when we'd reach the top that we'd begin to descend to the bottom, leaving us an hour before arriving, I'd always tell my mom, "When can abuelita come with us so she can see these beautiful mountains? We can put her in the car, and drive up here, and let her see the entire world! I can see the whole world from here. She hasn't seen it! Can we bring her some day?" That was my dream for YEARS!
It was finally here. She said her goodbyes to all of my aunts and uncles. They all cried, yet she smiled. "I'll be back soon. Don't worry! I'll come home soon." And we were off. It was about 6 am when we hit the road. It only took us an hour to reach the top of the mountains, and the sun was just making it over the horizon. We stopped, and I rushed to get her out of the car so she could see it. It was the most beautiful thing, even more with my grandmother by my side. We stood up at the top for a good hour, looking down the cayon (Pequis Canyon).
We arrived after our 14 hour drive with my mom and aunt, crying at the realization that my grandmother was finally with us.
It was our first Thanksgiving we'd be spending in Chihuahua. It was a very special Thanksgiving for my mom and me. My mom prepared the turkey, and just about the entire meal at home in Rowlett, before heading out. We drove down there two days before Thanksgiving.
I remember driving up the beautiful mountains and thinking, "My dream is coming true in just a few days!" The entire purpose of our first Thanksgiving was so that we could bring my grandmother back with us. This would be her first time out of Mexico, out of Chihuahua, and at our home in Rowlett.
When I was little, we'd drive up those same mountains year after year. And when we'd reach the top that we'd begin to descend to the bottom, leaving us an hour before arriving, I'd always tell my mom, "When can abuelita come with us so she can see these beautiful mountains? We can put her in the car, and drive up here, and let her see the entire world! I can see the whole world from here. She hasn't seen it! Can we bring her some day?" That was my dream for YEARS!
It was finally here. She said her goodbyes to all of my aunts and uncles. They all cried, yet she smiled. "I'll be back soon. Don't worry! I'll come home soon." And we were off. It was about 6 am when we hit the road. It only took us an hour to reach the top of the mountains, and the sun was just making it over the horizon. We stopped, and I rushed to get her out of the car so she could see it. It was the most beautiful thing, even more with my grandmother by my side. We stood up at the top for a good hour, looking down the cayon (Pequis Canyon).
We arrived after our 14 hour drive with my mom and aunt, crying at the realization that my grandmother was finally with us. We ended up having a second Thanksgiving that year, with my aunt and her family joining us at our house.
2 months later, she had a stroke, from which she passed away in January of 99. As hard as her death was, especially after finally having her with us and for such a short time, it was bittersweet. What comforted me was something my uncle told me as they took her off the ventilator, "God kept her alive as long as he did so your dream would come true. And she must have wanted it just as bad, or she wouldn't have been here." We had no choice but to take her back "home".
And now, my Thanksgiving memories are filled with my aunt's passing, a week before Thanksgiving last year. Saturday will mark the one year anniversary of her death. She has now joined my grandmother, at least the hope that they are together lives in me, and that is comforting. As hard as it is to think that we'll be spending Christmas with the family, yet they both will be absent, I am comforted in knowing that someday, I'll get to see them again.
In the meantime, we prepare the turkey and the veggies, and who knows, maybe I'll get my pumpkin pie this year. We are very thankful for what we have, that's without a doubt. But I'm also thankful for that memory, of my grandmother standing along my side, "seeing the whole world."
Summer, Fall, Winter, what is it?
Last week we were in the 70's and 80's. I was wearing shorts, t-shirt, and flip flops in NOVEMBER! Over the weekend, it was around the low 70's, high 60's. Jeans and a light long sleeve shirt was fine. But now? Now it's insane!
Last night I got into bed around midnight thinking, "Wow, it's not cold. Erin doesn't even have the fan on!!!" Now that made me look twice. I even had to take off two of my blankets and put them in the closet 'cause I got so hot. But this morning...OMG did I struggle to get out of bed! I stayed in bed until 10 minutes before class started. I quickly got up, put on a long-sleeve shirt, jeans, my hoody, and my big jacket. Now you might think, "That's just too much. It can't be that cold!" Wrong.
I drove up to the school, already 10 minutes late, and I couldn't get the nerve to get out of my car. My heater was running, so I was doing perfectly fine just sitting in the car. Who cares about Ruth Hall? I care about staying warm. I eventually got out and went to class. But leaving class and trying to get back in my car was a rush. I just about ran to the car.
And then I walk into my room, it's only a stinkin meat locker in here! As I sit here and type, I have on my sweats, long sleeve shirt, hoody, and my gloves on. That's right, I'm typing with gloves on! Go ahead, laugh it up! You try being in my room for 10 minutes and we'll see who's laughing then.
It is lunch time, but there is no way I'm about to go back outside. If it's cold in here, imagine how cold it is out there! My friends called, "You coming to lunch? The International line has some great food!" Pssshhh, I don't care about great food, I care about staying warm right now. If only I had my hat and scarf, and a heating blanket, I'd be just fine. Get me some hot chocolate...yummm. And it's only 50 degrees outside (Fells like 42 according to weather.com) Call me a whimp...but someone please tell me, will this weather ever be stable???
Last night I got into bed around midnight thinking, "Wow, it's not cold. Erin doesn't even have the fan on!!!" Now that made me look twice. I even had to take off two of my blankets and put them in the closet 'cause I got so hot. But this morning...OMG did I struggle to get out of bed! I stayed in bed until 10 minutes before class started. I quickly got up, put on a long-sleeve shirt, jeans, my hoody, and my big jacket. Now you might think, "That's just too much. It can't be that cold!" Wrong.
I drove up to the school, already 10 minutes late, and I couldn't get the nerve to get out of my car. My heater was running, so I was doing perfectly fine just sitting in the car. Who cares about Ruth Hall? I care about staying warm. I eventually got out and went to class. But leaving class and trying to get back in my car was a rush. I just about ran to the car.
And then I walk into my room, it's only a stinkin meat locker in here! As I sit here and type, I have on my sweats, long sleeve shirt, hoody, and my gloves on. That's right, I'm typing with gloves on! Go ahead, laugh it up! You try being in my room for 10 minutes and we'll see who's laughing then.
It is lunch time, but there is no way I'm about to go back outside. If it's cold in here, imagine how cold it is out there! My friends called, "You coming to lunch? The International line has some great food!" Pssshhh, I don't care about great food, I care about staying warm right now. If only I had my hat and scarf, and a heating blanket, I'd be just fine. Get me some hot chocolate...yummm. And it's only 50 degrees outside (Fells like 42 according to weather.com) Call me a whimp...but someone please tell me, will this weather ever be stable???
Monday, November 06, 2006
Surprise!!!
Alyssa's birthday is next Saturday on the 11th; she's turning 20 - the baby of the group. We wanted to do something but I will be out at retreat. So we got together with her boyfriend, who thought of everyone surprising her. So we did! (Unfortunately Erin couldn't join us).
We went to Paesano's Italian Restaurant. Sophie, Loma, and I rushed with balloons a few balloons, and "decorated" the table. We're college students, so we couldn't afford the real pretty helium balloons or even a cake or a gift. Anyway...you should have seen us. We were worried that Frank was going to get ahead of us, so here we are, three girls, carrying 2 balloons each into a restaurant, demanding that we quickly get a table, pulling out tape, rushing to be ready for whens they walk in. It was hilarious! But needless to say, we were ready!
Alyssa walks in with Frank, see us, and comes and sits down with us. Then it dawns on her 15 minutes later, "Hey, how did you know to be here?" I look at Frank and smile, and say, "Hello, facebook!" Facebook is like a myspace for college people. So she looks shocked and was like, "What, so YOU KNEW?!?!" It was great!
We then finished off the night by all of us going to see the movie The Departed. Sophie was on duty, so she only joined us for dinner. It was a good thing too! The movie, as good as the ending was, the begining was awfully slow, and plain awful. The cursing and inappropriate scenes were so bad I just about got up and walked out of the theater. But the ending was great, it sort of had us at the edge of our seats in the end.
We had a fun night, dinner and a movie, and suprising the girl. We had never actually done that as a group. It was great! Next person up is Loma, wonder what we'll do then???
We went to Paesano's Italian Restaurant. Sophie, Loma, and I rushed with balloons a few balloons, and "decorated" the table. We're college students, so we couldn't afford the real pretty helium balloons or even a cake or a gift. Anyway...you should have seen us. We were worried that Frank was going to get ahead of us, so here we are, three girls, carrying 2 balloons each into a restaurant, demanding that we quickly get a table, pulling out tape, rushing to be ready for whens they walk in. It was hilarious! But needless to say, we were ready!
Alyssa walks in with Frank, see us, and comes and sits down with us. Then it dawns on her 15 minutes later, "Hey, how did you know to be here?" I look at Frank and smile, and say, "Hello, facebook!" Facebook is like a myspace for college people. So she looks shocked and was like, "What, so YOU KNEW?!?!" It was great!
We then finished off the night by all of us going to see the movie The Departed. Sophie was on duty, so she only joined us for dinner. It was a good thing too! The movie, as good as the ending was, the begining was awfully slow, and plain awful. The cursing and inappropriate scenes were so bad I just about got up and walked out of the theater. But the ending was great, it sort of had us at the edge of our seats in the end.
We had a fun night, dinner and a movie, and suprising the girl. We had never actually done that as a group. It was great! Next person up is Loma, wonder what we'll do then???
Alyssa, the Birthday Girl!
Fab 5 minus 1 :)Loma, me, Sophie, Alyssa
me, Loma, Sophie, Alyssa, Frank
Friday, November 03, 2006
Strength
What is it within us that makes us think that with our own strength, we will be okay? Why do we constantly turn to man-power and say, "I've got what it takes", when in reality we don't! I am so guilty of this. This week, it was very visible...
Two of my peers and I had to do a presentation over James Baldwin, and African-American author. An author, might I add, that I nor my peers knew anything about. We met once last week, and discussed how we'd break things down. Who would cover what. Seeing that I already had plenty on my plate, I asked to do what seemed the easiest, biography. Yeah, that didn't happen. I had to read one of his works (because I don't have enough already), find criticism over it, and write my opinion about the book as well as the criticism. But that wasn't all that this consisted of. Whatever I wrote would have to be formatted to where I could actually "teach" what I had learned from 1, only work, out of several.
All week long, I spent hour after hour, researching this guy. Everything, every database that I searched had the same information, at least that's how it appeared to me. Thursday came around and I was uncertain of how we'd be presenting the following morning. So many plans had already changed, I was lost. I drove to Greenville to meet with one of my peers at almost 10 pm, because we had no sense of direction. I finally let it out, "You two can talk, I'll write the essay, I'll cover whatever you two don't cover, and let's leave it at that. J.P. can type up a handout....you can read this and talk about it...." I took over, the one thing I did not want to do!
On my way back, all I could think was "I don't have the strength to think about this anymore, but I've got to find it somehow!" I returned back to Commerce around 11:30 and started working on the paper. I relied on about 5 cups of coffee, 6 books, 5 databases, and endless criticism to read through. You'd think that I had gone through it all during the entire two weeks, which I did. But even now with a "plan", I was still lost. My mind simply went blank.
Then I was brought back to a conversation I had earlier that afternoon. A friend and I had talked a bit about human's dependency on church programs to give them everything they need so they can live the Christian life that Jesus wants us to live. The conversation shifted from church programs to the H.S. to the Word to broken people to realizing that we had just solved all the problems known to man by means of a Christian cruise. :)
In the middle of that conversation, a friend was brought up that has been struggling with finding strength. That struggle seems to be coming from not turning to God. And as I remembered that part of the conversation, I remembered one of my questions, "How do you get someone to understand that it isn't by their strength that they can get through things, but God's strenght?" As I recalled this question, I pulled back and looked at what I was doing.
All week long, I had relied on my own knowledge and understanding to give me a clear vision of what I was to do. And I did this knowing that this presentation was a huge part of my grade, I worried twice as much. Not once had I stopped to turn to God and say, "I need your help! I don't know what I'm doing!"
It was 3:30 am Friday morning, 5 1/2 hrs before having to present that I realized what I had neglected, God's strength. As I saw this, I stopped. I told Him, "I can't continue! I don't know in what direction to go with all of this. I have ___ pages left, but I cannot think! HELP ME!" I turned off my computer and went to bed, praying that I'd wake up at 6 and start writing again.
I woke up right at 6 with the help of two alarms. I immediately went and got some coffee going, and turned my computer on. I grabbed a cup of coffee and started typing. I did miss my first class *don't yell at me* to continue working. By 9 am, an hour before standing in front of the class, I finished the paper. All the confusion in my head, the jumbled thoughts and words, became clear to me and took form.
Our presentation was amazing. Even though I hoped I wouldn't have to talk, I ended up being the one to close the presentation with the information that I had gathered. And I breathed a sigh of relief. There couldn't have been a better ending to my day...well, with the exception of going for a drive with my friends to Cooper Lake, which looks more like a puddle.
But in all of that, one thing I was reminded, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13). Why must I forget this? Why couldn't I have remembered this two weeks ago when this whole thing started? Why did I not remember until 5 1/2 hrs before having to face the presentation? How could I not see that I was depending on my own strength, and not on God's strength?
This upcoming week, I have to remember this...more papers, test, and women's retreat! So here's howI'm going to do it. Everything that surrounds me: computer, walls, bulletin board, cell phone, journal, book bag, I have written myself that verse, Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I WILL NOT FORGET WHERE MY STRENGTH IS COMING FROM!!!
Two of my peers and I had to do a presentation over James Baldwin, and African-American author. An author, might I add, that I nor my peers knew anything about. We met once last week, and discussed how we'd break things down. Who would cover what. Seeing that I already had plenty on my plate, I asked to do what seemed the easiest, biography. Yeah, that didn't happen. I had to read one of his works (because I don't have enough already), find criticism over it, and write my opinion about the book as well as the criticism. But that wasn't all that this consisted of. Whatever I wrote would have to be formatted to where I could actually "teach" what I had learned from 1, only work, out of several.
All week long, I spent hour after hour, researching this guy. Everything, every database that I searched had the same information, at least that's how it appeared to me. Thursday came around and I was uncertain of how we'd be presenting the following morning. So many plans had already changed, I was lost. I drove to Greenville to meet with one of my peers at almost 10 pm, because we had no sense of direction. I finally let it out, "You two can talk, I'll write the essay, I'll cover whatever you two don't cover, and let's leave it at that. J.P. can type up a handout....you can read this and talk about it...." I took over, the one thing I did not want to do!
On my way back, all I could think was "I don't have the strength to think about this anymore, but I've got to find it somehow!" I returned back to Commerce around 11:30 and started working on the paper. I relied on about 5 cups of coffee, 6 books, 5 databases, and endless criticism to read through. You'd think that I had gone through it all during the entire two weeks, which I did. But even now with a "plan", I was still lost. My mind simply went blank.
Then I was brought back to a conversation I had earlier that afternoon. A friend and I had talked a bit about human's dependency on church programs to give them everything they need so they can live the Christian life that Jesus wants us to live. The conversation shifted from church programs to the H.S. to the Word to broken people to realizing that we had just solved all the problems known to man by means of a Christian cruise. :)
In the middle of that conversation, a friend was brought up that has been struggling with finding strength. That struggle seems to be coming from not turning to God. And as I remembered that part of the conversation, I remembered one of my questions, "How do you get someone to understand that it isn't by their strength that they can get through things, but God's strenght?" As I recalled this question, I pulled back and looked at what I was doing.
All week long, I had relied on my own knowledge and understanding to give me a clear vision of what I was to do. And I did this knowing that this presentation was a huge part of my grade, I worried twice as much. Not once had I stopped to turn to God and say, "I need your help! I don't know what I'm doing!"
It was 3:30 am Friday morning, 5 1/2 hrs before having to present that I realized what I had neglected, God's strength. As I saw this, I stopped. I told Him, "I can't continue! I don't know in what direction to go with all of this. I have ___ pages left, but I cannot think! HELP ME!" I turned off my computer and went to bed, praying that I'd wake up at 6 and start writing again.
I woke up right at 6 with the help of two alarms. I immediately went and got some coffee going, and turned my computer on. I grabbed a cup of coffee and started typing. I did miss my first class *don't yell at me* to continue working. By 9 am, an hour before standing in front of the class, I finished the paper. All the confusion in my head, the jumbled thoughts and words, became clear to me and took form.
Our presentation was amazing. Even though I hoped I wouldn't have to talk, I ended up being the one to close the presentation with the information that I had gathered. And I breathed a sigh of relief. There couldn't have been a better ending to my day...well, with the exception of going for a drive with my friends to Cooper Lake, which looks more like a puddle.
But in all of that, one thing I was reminded, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13). Why must I forget this? Why couldn't I have remembered this two weeks ago when this whole thing started? Why did I not remember until 5 1/2 hrs before having to face the presentation? How could I not see that I was depending on my own strength, and not on God's strength?
This upcoming week, I have to remember this...more papers, test, and women's retreat! So here's howI'm going to do it. Everything that surrounds me: computer, walls, bulletin board, cell phone, journal, book bag, I have written myself that verse, Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I WILL NOT FORGET WHERE MY STRENGTH IS COMING FROM!!!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
can't wait...
life has been exhausting this week...
i've gone from looking at my financial aid for the spring, classes i'm registering for, cost for the 6 classes i'm taking, the books required (the ones i know of), possibly dropping a class i just can't seem to understand, making up the hours in the spring, getting a presentation together for next friday, working on a mid-term paper due on sunday, studying for a test i have next friday, finishing up the final details for retreat, getting a bible study going with the girls here.....i don't know why i do this, i sit in front of my computer while i'm working on one thing, and remember the next thing, and the next, and the next, and so on, until i can no longer breathe! then i work for hours at trying to get ahead at every little bit, when it's impossible to do 11+ things in one day.
i can't wait until we get to heaven, where it's all going to be about worshipping God! that's all that will be on our minds, the focus. we won't have to worry about things that we have to take care of, or even things we've forgotten to do. we won't write out a "to do" list everyday or keep a calendar in front of us with dates and times. we'll know what's next, worship, worship, worship, and a little more worship.
who's looking forward to that? i know i am...
i've gone from looking at my financial aid for the spring, classes i'm registering for, cost for the 6 classes i'm taking, the books required (the ones i know of), possibly dropping a class i just can't seem to understand, making up the hours in the spring, getting a presentation together for next friday, working on a mid-term paper due on sunday, studying for a test i have next friday, finishing up the final details for retreat, getting a bible study going with the girls here.....i don't know why i do this, i sit in front of my computer while i'm working on one thing, and remember the next thing, and the next, and the next, and so on, until i can no longer breathe! then i work for hours at trying to get ahead at every little bit, when it's impossible to do 11+ things in one day.
i can't wait until we get to heaven, where it's all going to be about worshipping God! that's all that will be on our minds, the focus. we won't have to worry about things that we have to take care of, or even things we've forgotten to do. we won't write out a "to do" list everyday or keep a calendar in front of us with dates and times. we'll know what's next, worship, worship, worship, and a little more worship.
who's looking forward to that? i know i am...
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Snail mail is the best!
It's amazing the difference receiving something in the mail can make to ones day! I received two things yesterday. One was expected, and one I'd forgotten I was given a hint about by a sweet girl!
One came from the east (you know who you are!). I was expecting it, but not the message that came along with it. "This envelope contains vacuum-sealed, air-dried, just add water brownie crumbs. Unless the postman ate them." WHAT A TEASE! (Brownie, you know that isn't a nice thing to do!) Must hand it to her though, my roommate loved reading the note, cause she knows how much I love Brownie's brownies. (Can you tell why I call her"Brownie"?). So that put a nice big smile on my face.
Then comes the other package, this was much bigger than expected. This one carried within the envelope a nice fleece blanket, my favorite candy - candy corn, and a sweet card made by the Ward Club of Love! Gotta hand it to them, I definitely felt the love!
It was quite funny, the timing. Erin (Tiger girl/Roommie) and I have constantly been saying, "Man, we aren't loved!" It was so depressing we even planned to mail each other a stinkin' postcard just so we could say that "someone out there" was thinking about us. Ha-ha....
But truly, receiving these two things yesterday just made my day! Late in the evening, after dinner, I returned back to my room, laid on my bed, covered up wth my blanket, sat my candy-corn in this huge mug that Brownie gave me for my birthday last year, and read my Bible. I had to stop to thank God for what I had received. It wasn't so much the blanket or candy or note, as it was the love felt behind it all. The love from someone that knows how to play with me in a loving way from hundreds of miles away. And the love felt from those that, for some reason or another, simply wanted to make someone's day.
It definitely was a "Happy Erica Day!!"
One came from the east (you know who you are!). I was expecting it, but not the message that came along with it. "This envelope contains vacuum-sealed, air-dried, just add water brownie crumbs. Unless the postman ate them." WHAT A TEASE! (Brownie, you know that isn't a nice thing to do!) Must hand it to her though, my roommate loved reading the note, cause she knows how much I love Brownie's brownies. (Can you tell why I call her"Brownie"?). So that put a nice big smile on my face.
Then comes the other package, this was much bigger than expected. This one carried within the envelope a nice fleece blanket, my favorite candy - candy corn, and a sweet card made by the Ward Club of Love! Gotta hand it to them, I definitely felt the love!
It was quite funny, the timing. Erin (Tiger girl/Roommie) and I have constantly been saying, "Man, we aren't loved!" It was so depressing we even planned to mail each other a stinkin' postcard just so we could say that "someone out there" was thinking about us. Ha-ha....
But truly, receiving these two things yesterday just made my day! Late in the evening, after dinner, I returned back to my room, laid on my bed, covered up wth my blanket, sat my candy-corn in this huge mug that Brownie gave me for my birthday last year, and read my Bible. I had to stop to thank God for what I had received. It wasn't so much the blanket or candy or note, as it was the love felt behind it all. The love from someone that knows how to play with me in a loving way from hundreds of miles away. And the love felt from those that, for some reason or another, simply wanted to make someone's day.
It definitely was a "Happy Erica Day!!"
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