I can almost see the end!

Tomorrow is Wednesday. That is exactly one week from my final, and freedom from this torture! I cannot wait. The dates are all mixed in together because of all the things that I have to do, but in the end, its going to be worth it.

I put a deposit for my apartment in Sulphur Springs Monday afternoon. I am so looking forward to having my own place again. I am ready to start moving my stuff in! That's the first thing on my mind. A big part of it is that once the 7th comes around, my life is going to be consumed up with reuniting with my best friend and celebrating with all my friends. 

That's another thing to look forward to. Keli and I are counting down the days to her arrival. It's so crazy. I honestly have to say that I'm not certain what I'm going to do the first time I see her. It's been 7/8 years! 

And then there's that final morning, the morning where my name gets called and I walk to get my "diploma". Ya know it's not really the diploma, just a piece of paper wrapped and tied with a ribbon. But just for the excitement of it, we'll say that it's a diploma. :) So yes, mom and dad finally get that day they have long been awaiting for! And I will no longer have to worry about pleasing them when it comes to school. Heck I already have a job, what else do they want right?

That day is going to be the craziest one of all! I have graduation at 10 am, doing lunch at our favorite place in town (Momo's/Molinas), probably do some last minute moving, take Keli to the airport by 2:45 pm, and if I have enough money (pray that I do!) I'll hit the road for California right after making my trip to DFW. Aman is so excited. She too is counting down the days for an arrival, mine lol. I have been saving up every last penny, it has been my ultimate goal for most of the summer.

The ultimate thing I'm looking forward to is starting up work. The one thing I said for the past two years I didn't want to do, I'm going to be doing, teaching. God has some mysterious ways of working! Soon after hearing about the possibility of getting the job, I prayed I'd get it. And then yesterday, I got a call from my friend I was going to move in with in San Antonio, and found out that she was being transferred to Laredo, Tx. So I guess it was God's will that I go for this job and stick around. After all, in the end I will end up with a lot more, Alternate Certification and a Masters in Spanish. Couldn't ask for anything else...

Life is pretty good right now! Can't really complain....

Graduation is becoming more exciting...and scary

Yep, that's right, I'm pretty stoked...and pretty scared. I ordered my invitations and announcements on Monday. To my surprise, I got the call this morning that they were ready to be picked up. Now all I have to do is find out where my mom is going to have the dinner at, and they will be ready to be mailed out.

After I picked up the invitations, I had to walk across campus to the Heritage House, which is the old president's house. I literally walked from one point of campus to the other, walking by just about every building there is. I got this nostalgic feeling, I guess you could say. I had to take in a deep breath. I can't believe it, I'm finally graduating. After so many years in school, and the end is now here. It overwhelms me at times to think that this part of life is fixing to be over for me, in just 3 weeks.

It's so crazy, cause just last night Aman and I were talking about my issues with change. I was simply talking about cutting my hair, and she reminded me, "Just be careful, cause you know you don't like change. Don't do anything drastic." And as I thought about it more, how will I handle the transition from school life to adult life (I guess that's what it is?). Will I immediately jump into the routine of whatever I'm going to be doing and be okay with it? Or will I be too comfortable with where I am at right now and hold onto many of my ways? I know I shouldn't worry about tomorrow, but I can't help wonder about it, ya know.

Anyway...perhaps I should stop worrying about that. At least I am going to try and not worry. So last night was pretty exciting! I finally got my car back, yay! And my Lil Bro, Drew, came to Commerce to hang out. I, unfortunately, am turning into an old lady and can't seem to stay up past 1:30 or 2 am. For some of you out there, I know yall think I'm crazy. So we went out to the Delt house and hung out there with the guys. I hadn't seen those boys for a couple of weeks, so that was fun. I ultimately left Drew there and went home to bed, considering I had to be at work at 8 am.

Today, I'm a lil worried. My nerves are starting to set in. I'm heading to Dallas to see the ENT about this lump some of us like to call the "stress ball". I hope I get to find out what in the world this thing is, considering its been on my neck for about 4 years, and suddenly grew overnight last week. I'm just praying that it isn't anything bad. Ugh! I wish someone could go with me, but everyone is pretty lame and either has to work or go to school. Oh well...

Afterwards though, I get to fulfill my craving of California Rolls. OMG those are by far the best thing I have ever eaten! That will be what I look forward to the most today.

Well, I guess it's time to start clearing things out before I leave the office. You see how much work I have to do, literally nothing. I'm finding that perhaps this is the best time to blog, considering its early in the day, its nice and quiet in the office, and I never have anything to do. :) You would think it must be nice getting paid to do nothing. Wrong people! Not so much fun!

Grandma makes an appearance...

So my grandma passed away 9 years ago, I believe its 9. I'm bad at keeping up with years once we pass the 3 year mark. Anyway, so my mom fought for her house which she had initially bought for my grandmother. Well, we've had some trouble because no one had lived in it the past two or three months. It was perfect timing for whoever wanted to break in and steal stuff, which of course happened.

About a month ago, a young couple with a 7 and 10 year old boy and girl, moved into our house. While in Mexico last week, my mom went to meet the couple and check on the house. She said (as we ate lunch yesterday that she came home) that the house looked amazing. It was super clean, the furniture was arranged real nice, so on. She then started telling us that the couple almost moved out the second week they were there. Things started happening that they couldn't explain.

This first thing seemed like nothing to me. We have a tree in our backyard, that is always losing its leaves. There was a day that the leaves on the ground started rising up and spinning, along with dust, just in one spot. They said it looked like a small tornado. But there wasn't any wind blowing. I was just like "Ok, leaves move. Big deal."

Then later that week, the husband sat down to relax after work. As he leaned back in the chair, he said he saw this dark shadow come on top of him and just take over. The shadow was pressing down on him and wouldn't let go. He was in shock, he couldn't move or talk. After several minutes, this shadow finally lifted up slowly and let him go. But it took another few minutes for him to come out of the initial shock. I started getting even more interested here. It could have been because something happened last fall where I felt something similar when I lived in my apartment. It was the scariest thing that ever happened. So I could relate.

Anyway, a couple of days later, something else happened. And this one here definitely got my full attention! I was in tears as my mom got to the end of it...

The first time we went back to Chihuahua after my grandmother's death, my mom took the vase with red flowers that she'd always wanted to give to her. It's a big vase, about 3-31/2 feet tall. Anyway, my mom had neglected to clean it in the past 9 years when she'd go. I know, gross. We had more important things to worry about, believe me. Well, the wife took the vase one day and cleaned it out completely. She cleaned the flowers (they were fake) and washed the inside of the vase. After finishing it up, she placed it right inside the front door, to let it dry up by the screen door. She locked the door cause she was going to go to the backyard to get some water. When she walked in, and headed to the livingroom, (this is where I freaked out) she saw a short old lady standing next to the vase. OMG chills. I immediately knew who it was...

My mom was in tears as she finished telling us about this incident. My grandmother was extremely protective of her belongings, and especially my mom's things. She never let anyone touch any of her things. I would get yelled at for being nosey when I'd go through her stuff. So there was no doubt in my mind, or in my mom's, that it was my grandma that she had seen.

Anyway....so when she saw the short old woman standing there, she ran around the backyard to the front of the house. She sat outside for some time praying. One of our neighbors came up and started talking to her, and made her get her mind off of things. Well, after sometime, she sort of forgot about the incident and headed back inside. By this time, her kid had come home from school. She put the vase back and washed the dishes. After doing that, her and her son went into the bedroom to watch tv. They suddenly heard the dishes rattling in the kitchen, and suddenly breaking. (Again, I started tearing up here, explanation to come). She walked into the kitchen to find the dishes that we had taken such good care of for the past 9 years, broken. And she actually saw one fly across the table. Yeah, to a point I have to be there to believe this. But still, I believe it.

So why did I tear up. That first visit to her house after her death, something strange had happened. I didn't make much of it, but none the less its a memory. I woke up early one morning to the sound of dishes rattling and her cat meowing. I thought it was my mom. But when I turned over, my mom was laying right next to me. So I tried to peek into the kitchen from the bedroom, and all I heard were dragging footsteps, and a silhouette that looked and sounded like my grandma. From that point on, I was convinced that was who was in the kitchen. So hearing about this incident immediately took me to that point in time when I had "heard" her in the kitchen.

Anyway...so that night, her husband gets home. The wife and kids were ready to leave right then and there. But he insisted that they needed to pray and light up a candle (Mexican thing, with the saints and all that). But because the wife hadn't bought a candle, he took a picture we have always kept in this cup, of my grandma, and he started talking to it.

"Look ma'm, with all due respect, we aren't here to hurt you or your things. On the other hand, we are her to help. We know that your daughter loved you and didn't want to lose this house, but if we aren't here, no one will be here to watch it, and all your belongings could be stolen. So we are simply here to help, not hurt you or her. So please, if you don't mind, please let us live in peace so we can make certain that your house is ok."

From that point on, nothing has happened. I was just stunned to hear that anything strange was happening. We hadn't heard of any complaints from others that had lived there. But as we thought about it, we realized that my grandma didn't know these people. Everyone that had lived in the house she had known because they were either relatives or friends of hers and ours. But this couple was someone new and strange. And being as protective as she was, well we could totally see her trying to run them out.

I know this all sounds crazy, but its my grandma. And man, if I had been there, that would have been amazing. Simply because I would do anything, ANYTHING to see her again. Everytime that I have returned to our house, her house, I always walk in saying "Grandma, we're home". And the memory of her opening up her arms to hug me and kiss me is always vivid as I say those words. I can't help but feel that she is actually there, greeting us like she always did, in spirit.

This rollercoaster called life!

• moving away from home
• learning to be on my own
• learning to break away from the shell i lived in all my life
• making new friends
• ending friendships
• turning around and meeting the most amazing friends ever!
• summer fun at parties
• traveling to unexpected places
  
• pain from loss of loved ones
  
• being lifted by those you'd never imagine
• random fun at the least expected places
• wal-mart at 2 am...just for fun!
  
• 2 am runs to taco bell
• writing papers until the sun came out
• having a friend help you stay awake to write those papers
• driving 20 minutes at 4 am to get food for energy
• a friend getting out of bed to join you for that 4 am drive
  
• IHOP at midnight
• 2 a.m. drives on back roads that lead to who knows where
• late nights at the lake
  
• late night walks
  
• sitting on the broken bridge, just talking
  
• weekend road trips that take 12 hours to get there, be there for a day, and drive back 12 hours
• sitting on top of the car and staring at the stars
• staring at the stars and remembering the good times from the past year
• seeing the most perfect crescent moon at 11 pm and remembering my GPhiB girls!
  
• thinking of new friendships and the smiles they put on my face
  
• thinking of old friendships and the smiles they still put on my face through memories and txt/phonecalls
• missing those special friends and not knowing how to take that sadness go away
• thinking of what's to come
• starting a new chapter in life...

i go through these moments where i can't help but look back at what my life has looked like in the past year, all the changes i have been through, and look at where i may be in the future. before, i was scared out of my mind of what my future might look like. but in the past year, i have learned to just let life bring whatever it is that it will bring. i probably wouldn't be able to look back at all experiences, and even think that they were significant, had they not all been random. and what's more important, they open my eyes to realize who is important in my life. every day, i think more and more of how i won't be around my girls anymore, and that crushes me to a point. i'm not ready to give them up! i don't want to move, as much as i do inside. i don't want to leave them in the 'merce and miss out on more random moments that build up the bonds that have already been built. had i known this would mean so much, i would have done this sooner!

but of course, that didn't happen. and in four weeks, i have to say g'bye for good. i'll always be a Gamma Phi. that doesn't bother me one bit. but the fact that i have to leave these girls...well...ya know. but at the same time, having learned what i know now, i can look forward to making new friends and all the new random moments that might entail. yeah, it won't be the same because it isn't aman, tasha, or kristin, or all my other crazy sisters. but hey, i'm entering that new chapter in my life where i'm having to "grow up".

they weren't too happy to hear that i was moving, instead of staying and living in commerce. but of course, they are being supportive. i finally decided that san antonio was the place for me to go. i even sat my dad down last weekend and told him about it. he's fine with it. this upcoming weekend i'll sit my mom down (we all know she'll take it a bit harder) and tell her that i'm not coming home. i'm scared. i don't know what she'll say. but at the same time, this is something that i have to do. i realized, as i was driving to my friends last week, that there is absolutely no way that i can go back home. if i do, i know i'll prevent myself from growing more than what i already have in the past year. i can't do that to myself. and i was open and honest with my dad, and even told him more than i expected myself to. he took that in rather well too. on the other hand, he came back at me with some surprising news about his plans for after i graduate. but it's whatever, he and my mom are adults. they'll have to deal with that on their own. (yeah, i wouldn't have said that last year!)

on another note, that move to san antonio might be changing to sulphur springs. it all depends on the next couple of weeks, and moorea (my friend) setting my future for me. lol. there's a potential teaching job in sulphur bluff, a bit east of sulphur springs. they are looking for a spanish teacher. even though i have said i really didn't want to do teaching, i've decided that it wouldn't be too bad of an opportunity. its a job right out of school. i would be doing the alternative certification, would would be something for me to fall back on, were i to decide that i wanted to do something differently later. so we'll see what happens.

its just that time in my life where everything is changing pretty soon. in four weeks, i have to know what i'm doing, where i'll be living, etc. i will say that i wish this summer was a bit more fun and exciting, considering its my last summer here. but i guess this is a good way to start getting used to not being part of this life anymore. :(

Friendship Rekindled?

A year ago this past January, I ended a friendship that brought me a lot of heartache. In the end, it wasn't just one friendship that ended, but four. Last fall, one of those friendships was able to be brought back to life, after meeting up with my old roommate. She and I had grown quite a bit from the time that we had stopped talking, to the day that we met up for coffee to clear things up. She was the only person with whom I figured I'd ever talk to again from the entire group. Well, I was proven wrong yesterday...

About a week ago, I spontaneously emailed Loma, that initial friend with whom I had to end the friendship with, and the reason why Aman and I became such close friends. I had found this fillipino food she had introduced me to, and it just made me think of her. I'd emailed her once before, but she had never responded. Well, two days later, I opened up my email and saw her name. I was in total shock. I immediately opened it up to read it.

It was a very friendly email, "Hey how are you? How's life in Commerce..." There was some "small talk", but overall it was a "great to hear from you". The ending was what really left me thinking. "I think its time we meet up and talk. Its time we put everything behind us". I was not expecting that. Erin had mentioned that she'd talked to Loma after she and I talked last Septemeber. Loma knew that I had been able to move on with what had happened.

Anyway, she came into town to bring Sophie, one of our friends that came from Ohio to deal with some matters at the school. Loma had mentioned that perhaps we might run into each other when they arrived, but I didn't really expect her to stop by. None the less, they did. The initial "reunion" was a bit awkward. But in the end, we all talked as if nothing had ever happened. She actually asked if we could do something in 2 weeks, back in Dallas.

We didn't really talk about what happened a year ago, so I'm very confused on how to feel about this sudden reunion. I talked with Aman about it Saturday morning, she pretty much opened my eyes to the reality that I don't need to worry about it, cause whatever happens will happen. And that's sort of how I'm thinking about it. I know that if the friendship were to work out, it wouldn't be completely the same. We both have changed in the past year. I will say though, there have been times that I've missed this girl, because I knew what she did for me my first year in Commerce. I can't fully explain what happened in the end to us, but I've always been appreciative of her befriending me when I didn't really have anyone out here.

I guess now it's just a matter of playing the waiting game, and seeing where this goes in the next couple of weeks....

Finally I Got a Job

Yep, that's right ladies and gentlemen, I have a job! I will be working in the office of Student Affairs. I'll just be doing the basic duties, opening the office, answering phones, responding to emails, running errands, etc. I'm looking forward to it. Finally I'll have some extra cash in my pocket. Things have been really tough lately financially, so whatever I can get works for me right now.

The Career Service center was right underneath the S.A. office, so I made that one of my stops before heading home this afternoon. It's time I really look at what I'll be doing after graduation. So I received a nice list of websites where I can look into the different careers I could go into with an English degree. I also got to look at some books that also tell what careers English majors go into and the kind of money they make. I'm pretty sure I won't end up in a career that has anything to do with English, but oh well.

I think, to be honest, it's going to depend more on what jobs are available in the areas I'm considering moving to, San Antonio and Yorktown(VA). I think my mom is back to thinking that I'm moving back home the day of graduation, if only she could stick to understanding that that won't be the case. I'm sure she'll eventually get it.

Either way, until that happens, I shall enjoy my Friday night. My sorority sisters are finally coming into town, so we are all hanging out. Exciting!

With summer comes so many changes

This was the view from the condo I got to stay at this past weekend...

Panama City Beach, Florida

This was the first time I'd been to Florida, and I have to say it was pretty amazing. The beach was gorgeous, I had never seen water so blue and clear *besides drinking water*. And even though I went with my friend and her 2, almost 3 year old, I had plenty of time to just relax.

Friday night, I was able to just sit on the balcony at night, all by myself and admire the beauty that existed outside the 4 walls I was staying in. If I could have gotten a picture of the night sky, I would definitely put it up. But there is absolutely no way that I could have captured what I saw. I was just in awe. I pulled out my journal and started journaling, something I hadn't done in several weeks.

Life just sort of flashed before me as I wrote down my thoughts...

Things this past month have been different without the girls around. I'm having to learn to be more open and willing when it comes to people that I don't really know. My friends were a major "security blanket", we could say. I felt okay going to new places because I knew they were there. I'm challenged every day now when I do go anywhere, because I know I'm having to do this on my own. It isn't all bad, it has it's up sides to it. I meet new people, make new friends, and learn that my life doesn't have to revolve around the same people. However, I do miss having the girls around.

This made me realize how much I missed Aman. From the begining when I knew that she was leaving, I had a positive attitude and told myself, as well as everyone else "As long as you make this happen, things will be okay between her and us. The friendship can live a lifetime, as long as you make it live." And I truly still believe that, I don't doubt it for a minute. But that doesn't mean that I'm okay with her not being here. I finally broke down one day last week and actually cried about her being gone. I'd always remained strong and not let it get to me, but my breaking point finally came. I found myself having to deal with the reality that there would be no mini-roadtrip to DFW airport to pick her up so we could start classes again. That thought last Sunday is what made me realize that she truly is gone, at least from Texas.

Just as other friends have come and gone and still remain a part of my life in different ways, so will she. I mean heck, we talk every day, whether through txt or actual phonecall. And the good thing is that she is thinking about getting placed in Baton Rouge, LA when she comes back from St. Lucia. She says she wants to be close to Texas so we can see each other often. Sounds like good thinking to me. :)

Another thing on my mind is simply what am I going to do after I graduate???I honestly feel no sense of direction right now. All I can think about is the fact that I don't really want to go back to Dallas. San Antonio and Virginia have been two places I have considered going to. San Antonio is still close enough so that I can easily come home for weekend visits. Virginia, well my best friend of 13 years lives there, and has asked me several times to consider coming and living in Virginia. I'm not certain, but I still have 2 months to figure things out.

Right now I'm just trying to make certain that I'm going through every part of the graduation application process correctly. It's getting close to time to order the invitations. That's a pretty exciting thing to do. My mom is overjoyed. The graduation party is sounding a lot bigger than I expected (or even want) it to be. Hopefully she'll simmer down. Ha!

I still don't have a job. A little frustrating. That just means less money for my road trip to Cali. That trip HAS TO HAPPEN! It will be the last time I get to see Aman before she heads to the island like two weeks later. So I sort of have an idea my mom thinks is crazy. I'm actually going to let everyone know "Don't give me gifts, just $$$". Ha, what better than to get what I really want. Hopefully by then I will have a job and enough money to pay for everything. This is actually stressing me out. If I don't go to Cali, people better give me enough money to buy a plane ticket to St. Lucia!!! Nah, I'm not really expecting people to do that. But still, it would be nice.

My final thoughts simply wandered to my classes. It couldn't be easier! One english and one spanish class. This summer is going to be such a breeze...at least it feels like it so far....

Wish I was a kid again in the summer time...

It's Monday, first day of summer, at least 3 week summer break for me. And I have to say, I pretty much hate it so far. No more waking up and walking downstairs into a living room full of girls talking and laughing. Now I walk downstairs into an empty apartment, except for when Amanda is here. No more walking down the hall just to find someone to run to wal-mart with me. No more 2/3 am runs to Taco Bell. Ugh! It's amazing how what seemed so little and insignificant at one point has now turned into special little moments and memories.

This summer is definitely not going to be like last summer, and I don't even know if there are any chances of it coming close to being as amazing as last summer was. Aman sat in her apartment Friday night, as we finished packing up her car, and said it herself, "We'll never have a summer like that one again." Hmmm...

I think what adds to that thought is the simple fact that Aman is gone. California, then to St. Lucia for 18 months. Saturday morning was a difficult one, having to say goodbye, and watch her drive off. I did good at holding in the tears. That is until my mom called me 3 hours later and asked when Aman was leaving. When I said that she'd already left, she got real quiet and said, "Awww, I'm sorry". Yeah, I pretty much broke down on the phone. And seeing the girls that were still in town and no Aman made it kind of hard. But none the less, here I am. All I can do is sigh when things remind me of her. And it definitely doesn't make it any easier that I moved into the aparment next door to her old one.

Our last picture together...

There's something special about Aman and my friendship. She's different from other friends that I have had. I've seen her fight for friendships that didn't seem significant to others, but that to her meant the world. So I have faith that our friendship will be a lasting one. She's that little sister God didnt' give me. She already knows she has to be around when I get married (if I ever do) and when I have kids (again, if that ever happens). And we joke around that when we get old, and living in a nursing home, we'll still know how to have fun. We'll simply jump in our motorized scooters and race down the hall. LOL! It's just hard because it won't be the same not having her here, and being able to experience things together. But we'll still be able to share them with each other. And I'm certain we'll be there when important events come around in each of our lives.

It's time for changes now. The first has happened, friends leaving. Next is finding a job, which I don't really look forward to. Then starting up my final 4 classes, and graduating in August. I still haven't the slightest idea of what I'll be doing after graduation. One thing I do know is that four of us girls are getting together and taking a road trip to Cali to see Aman one last time before she heads out to the island. Won't be the last one for me, cause I'm going to do everything in my power to save up money to go visit her in St. Lucia. But if we have the chance to see her before she leaves, we are definitely taking it. It's going to be my personal graduation gift. And anyone considering giving me a gift, keep $$$ in mind. Baha.

I guess I'll have a bit more time now to blog more often. There's no one to keep me busy or entertained. Kelley told me last night to enjoy the quiet and relax. I honestly don't know if I can handle too much quiet. I love having people around. Heck, the first thing I thought of this morning was "Who could I possibly get to come over?" Oh well. I guess it's time to go take care of the job hunt. Although, seeing how nice it is outside, I'm thinking I might go to the pool instead.

2 weeks left!

Yep, that's right, only 2 weeks left, and this semester is over. I'm not exactly looking forward to it ending. As much as I need my break from some of the girls, there are so many changes coming, and I don't really know how to take them all in.

Aman is leaving to Cali in 2 weeks, then to St. Lucia in August. I'm excited for her. She's another step closer to finishing her education and getting out in the real world as a doctor. But it's a saddening thought in my heart. This is the person that pulled me out of the most difficult time last year, from changing friendships to the loss of close ones. She has taught me so many things about myself. She has helped me grow in ways I didn't think it would be possible for me to grow. I am who I am right now, because of her. She's given me a new outlook on people and on things.

When she first told me on Tuesday that her advisor told her she'd be going, I couldn't help but have fear set on in. I worried. We've told each other that we will be friends for the rest of our lives. And I never doubted that. But then after the next 2 weeks, I don't know when will be the next time we'll see each other. I mean, she's going to be thousands of miles away. But then I stepped back and realized that as much as I may think of her as blood and as my lil sister, and she think of me as blood as well, we have an even tighter bond now, the bond of sisterhood. She is my Twin. That will never change. I know that will always keep us together, Gamma Phi. But it's still a hard thing to just let her go.

Another change is that after the summer is over, I will be done with school. I have been given the okay to being my graduation application process in the summer. Graduation is August 9th. I am entering a new stage in life. It's a scary stage. I honestly don't know if I'm ready to "grow up". But it eventually has to happen. I know. I'm not certain of what I'll do, where I'll go, or where I'll live. A big part of me wants to stay in Commerce for at least a semester. To give me some time to adjust, cause I will definitely need an adjustment period.

It will also help me adjust to leaving my sisters. I'm so not ready to leave them behind. I want to see where my chapter is going, and I won't be able to be a part of it 100% when I'm done with school. I'm not certain that I want to go alum just yet.

All these changes, and I don't do changes!!! So believe me, there's much stress and hesitation with time going on right now in my mind. The most difficult part I think is going to be the day I have to say bye to Aman. I wasn't really expecting that to happen so soon. I guess I'll deal with that when the time comes....

Until then, I shall try to think about studying for finals, finishing off final papers, and the excitement of what tonight holds. Initiation. I'm finally on the other end of this night, and so far, it's been absolutely amazing!!!!

field of flowers

i have had this repetive dream the past couple of days....

i'm at home, but it's not my home. it more or less looks like a home in mexico. my dad has gotten so sick that he can't even get up. i get a phonecall and it's my best friend. what's weird is that as we're talking, i can actually see her sitting on her bed, playing on her computer while talking to me. it's almost like a little thought bubble (know what i mean?). i see her in this thought bubble and i think, "this is rediculous, why don't i just go over there?"

so i go outside and i see this suv. inside is my "sister" and her kids, but they are stuck. they must have taken their stupid pill because none of them knew how to unlock the doors, so they had apparently slept there. (idiots). i get the door unlocked, and they all get out. i remember my purpose in leaving the house, and leaving my dad behind. i make certain to tell my "sister" to look after dad while i'm gone.

as i head out to the road, i notice two things. first is the sky. it's this shade of dark brown and tan. the clouds look as if there's a fire they are hiding. the shades of brown and tan are just amazing, but scary at the same time. it gives me a feeling that i'm out there all alone.

second thing i see is this beautiful field of rainbow colored flowers. but they aren't your average so many inches tall flowers. the field of flowers was more like a corn field, the flowers were insanely high. and there was no other way; this was the way to get to my best friend's house. i hear a car suddenly come by and i see it drive right through the field. but the minute the car is gone, the flowers grow right back up.

suddenly fear sets in and i get too scared to cross the field. what if the flowers eat me? and i never make it to my best friend's house. i never get to see her. and all that's left is this big "wall" between us, this field of flowers.

what do you make of that dream?