Decorating time...this was fun!
Final outcome after the many hours put into getting this together...check out the flying airplane!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Heading to the Arctic Edge
Here are a few pictures of VBS at church a couple of weeks ago (Erin, hope you like the pics!)
Still afraid of the dark (funny stuff)
These last few days alone at home have been different. You'd think that I'm enjoying every minute of it. I have enjoyed the silence, until nightfall that is. I like getting home, no televisions turned on, no noises in the kitchen of pots and pans, no coughing (my dad has this non-stop cough). My routine: check the mail, decide what's trash and what's not (something I never get to do), go into the kitchen and decide what I'm going to have for dinner, get that started, eat as I watch tv and play on my computer, wash dishes, then back to tv it is. I've actually been watching the tv in the livingroom. I usually can't with the noise from my mom's tv in the kitchen.
It's all good until nightfall. You'd think that I'd be used to being alone, considering that I spent pretty much all of my semester alone in Commerce at nights. But it's still different because there were other people right next door or across the hall. If anything were to happen, I would just have to scream and they'd hear me. Here at home, I have this great fear of someone breaking into the house in the middle of the night, and no one would be alble to hear me. I don't know why...
I have thought things out completely! I fall asleep in the livingroom with the tv on, since you can see the tv light from one of the bedrooms, the front and back door. I then wake up at about 2 am and go to my parents bed. You may ask the question that Erin asked me, "Why not just go to sleep in your bed with the tv on?" Again, I've planed this out so well...LOL! The living room is big enough to where 1) front, back door, and garage can be easily heard from the livingroom, and 2) you can hear any sound from every part of the house. My bedroom, on the other hand, is at the very end of the house; its the furthest room away from the front and back door. So if someone were to break in, my room would be the last room they'd probably go into, and by then, it would be too late for me to try and get out through my window or even call the cops (LOL). See what I mean by totally thought it through?
I laugh as I am writing all of this and thinking about all the thoughts that run through my head at night! It's funny, because when I get up and go to their bed, I begin the play so many different scenarios of someone breaking into the house: What would I do? Where could I hide? How could I call 911 without them hearing the cordless? Right, cell phone!
I can't help but laugh as I think of my mother in the days before leaving. She would bug me non-stop, "Can Loma stay the weekend with you so you aren't alone? Do you want to see if Vanessa wants to stay with you? What about Nancy or Yessenia?" And I would always answer back with, "Mother, I'm 23 years old! I'm not afraid of the dark anymore. I'll be fine!" YEAH RIGHT!!! I know the first question out of her mouth when she gets home will be, "How did you do being alone at home?" Shall my answer be, "Great! Loved being all by myself!" or "I hated it! I don't ever want to stay at home alone, especially at night!"?
I still have another two weeks to decide on what my answer to that question will be. In the meantime, I am happy to say that my nights alone at home will end today! Dad will be arriving in about four hours, so I won't have to worry about anything! Dad will be there to save the day, or night if you like...LOL
It's all good until nightfall. You'd think that I'd be used to being alone, considering that I spent pretty much all of my semester alone in Commerce at nights. But it's still different because there were other people right next door or across the hall. If anything were to happen, I would just have to scream and they'd hear me. Here at home, I have this great fear of someone breaking into the house in the middle of the night, and no one would be alble to hear me. I don't know why...
I have thought things out completely! I fall asleep in the livingroom with the tv on, since you can see the tv light from one of the bedrooms, the front and back door. I then wake up at about 2 am and go to my parents bed. You may ask the question that Erin asked me, "Why not just go to sleep in your bed with the tv on?" Again, I've planed this out so well...LOL! The living room is big enough to where 1) front, back door, and garage can be easily heard from the livingroom, and 2) you can hear any sound from every part of the house. My bedroom, on the other hand, is at the very end of the house; its the furthest room away from the front and back door. So if someone were to break in, my room would be the last room they'd probably go into, and by then, it would be too late for me to try and get out through my window or even call the cops (LOL). See what I mean by totally thought it through?
I laugh as I am writing all of this and thinking about all the thoughts that run through my head at night! It's funny, because when I get up and go to their bed, I begin the play so many different scenarios of someone breaking into the house: What would I do? Where could I hide? How could I call 911 without them hearing the cordless? Right, cell phone!
I can't help but laugh as I think of my mother in the days before leaving. She would bug me non-stop, "Can Loma stay the weekend with you so you aren't alone? Do you want to see if Vanessa wants to stay with you? What about Nancy or Yessenia?" And I would always answer back with, "Mother, I'm 23 years old! I'm not afraid of the dark anymore. I'll be fine!" YEAH RIGHT!!! I know the first question out of her mouth when she gets home will be, "How did you do being alone at home?" Shall my answer be, "Great! Loved being all by myself!" or "I hated it! I don't ever want to stay at home alone, especially at night!"?
I still have another two weeks to decide on what my answer to that question will be. In the meantime, I am happy to say that my nights alone at home will end today! Dad will be arriving in about four hours, so I won't have to worry about anything! Dad will be there to save the day, or night if you like...LOL
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Have I seriously grown up?
I remember the excitement, the energy, the action involved in preparing for a two week long trip to Mexico with my mom. Every summer, the last Friday in June, my dad, mom, and I, would head out at 6 pm on the 14 hour drive to Chihuahua. I remember sitting in the back seat, not realizing how many hours my mom had put in the 3/4 previous evenings just in packing. Yet I still sat in that back seat, watching as the trees went by, the hills of Abilene, the desertland of Midland -Odessa. I remember driving through the mountainsides of Ft. Stockton, TX. and knowing by the age of five that we only had an hour to arrive to the once again desertland of Presidio, TX.
We'd always turn left on Hwy 17 into the very small town in Presidio just to go to the Texaco located in downtown Presidio. Why did it have to be that gas station? Because it was the only gas station that would have real food, not just snack. And by the time that we arrived into Presidio, it was never a doubt that I'd be hungry.
But the true excitement arrived as we were crossing into Mexico, the actual borderline on the bridge. I would look anxiously for that yellow line that would say "Mexico/United States of America". As soon as we'd cross that line, I'd say, "We're here, were're here!" and that would be it. All the excitement I had held in for the previous 10 hours would unleash.
I can honestly tell you that by the time I was 5, I knew the Mexican stores, restaurants, roads, how long the roads were, where to turn on them....directionally challenged I am not! As soon as we'd leave the Mexican border patrol, after having waited an hour to receive a car and entrance permit, we'd drive down the main road through the town of Ojinaga, Chihuahua. Immediately, I'd see the pinatas, blankets, pottery, all the typical Mexican things being sold along the side of the road. And yet again, as exciting as that would be, more excitement would unleash as I saw the sign that pointed straight ahead and said "Chihuahua 306 kil", only 190 miles to go! And as we'd pass that sign, I would think, "Here we go! Grandma, we're almost home to see you!"
That excitement is reminded by sadness this morning, as my parents drove off at 2:30 this morning to Chihuahua, and I stayed behind. My summers were made for the Chihuahua trips! I knew nothing more but Chihuahua. By the time I was 5, I knew the 2 block route to my fav. uncle's house. By the time I was 7, I knew how to get to several of my aunts homes. By the time I started driving, I knew the entire route from home to Chihuahua. I drove half the way there the summer I was 16, and the entire time we were in Chihuahua. I never needed my mom to telll me how to get to any place we would be heading to. Chihuahua became like a second home to me, even though it would only be my second home for two weeks every summer.
And now, I have to wait and see when I can go. When will work give me two or three days off so I can head that way? Will I go during Christmas? Will I go for Easter or Thanksgiving? I'm always uncertain now. I went for two years without going after I started my present job. My family was calling non-stop in the last few days, and as I'd pick up the phone, they would ask, "Are you coming with your mom?" My answer, "No, work won't let me."
I'm able to understand now why my mother would always tell me in September or March, that she couldn't take time off to go see the family. Life has come with many responsibilities. I'm just working for the heck of it, for the money, so taking off shouldn't be a problem for me. But I was born with my mom's work hard attitude.
Oh well, they've driven off and they are probably passing Dallas right now. All I can do is lie in bed and think of my memories of driving towards the border, the excitement of being on the bridge, and the fulfillment I would receive as I'd set foot on Mexican land...and wish I hadn't grown up!
We'd always turn left on Hwy 17 into the very small town in Presidio just to go to the Texaco located in downtown Presidio. Why did it have to be that gas station? Because it was the only gas station that would have real food, not just snack. And by the time that we arrived into Presidio, it was never a doubt that I'd be hungry.
But the true excitement arrived as we were crossing into Mexico, the actual borderline on the bridge. I would look anxiously for that yellow line that would say "Mexico/United States of America". As soon as we'd cross that line, I'd say, "We're here, were're here!" and that would be it. All the excitement I had held in for the previous 10 hours would unleash.
I can honestly tell you that by the time I was 5, I knew the Mexican stores, restaurants, roads, how long the roads were, where to turn on them....directionally challenged I am not! As soon as we'd leave the Mexican border patrol, after having waited an hour to receive a car and entrance permit, we'd drive down the main road through the town of Ojinaga, Chihuahua. Immediately, I'd see the pinatas, blankets, pottery, all the typical Mexican things being sold along the side of the road. And yet again, as exciting as that would be, more excitement would unleash as I saw the sign that pointed straight ahead and said "Chihuahua 306 kil", only 190 miles to go! And as we'd pass that sign, I would think, "Here we go! Grandma, we're almost home to see you!"
That excitement is reminded by sadness this morning, as my parents drove off at 2:30 this morning to Chihuahua, and I stayed behind. My summers were made for the Chihuahua trips! I knew nothing more but Chihuahua. By the time I was 5, I knew the 2 block route to my fav. uncle's house. By the time I was 7, I knew how to get to several of my aunts homes. By the time I started driving, I knew the entire route from home to Chihuahua. I drove half the way there the summer I was 16, and the entire time we were in Chihuahua. I never needed my mom to telll me how to get to any place we would be heading to. Chihuahua became like a second home to me, even though it would only be my second home for two weeks every summer.
And now, I have to wait and see when I can go. When will work give me two or three days off so I can head that way? Will I go during Christmas? Will I go for Easter or Thanksgiving? I'm always uncertain now. I went for two years without going after I started my present job. My family was calling non-stop in the last few days, and as I'd pick up the phone, they would ask, "Are you coming with your mom?" My answer, "No, work won't let me."
I'm able to understand now why my mother would always tell me in September or March, that she couldn't take time off to go see the family. Life has come with many responsibilities. I'm just working for the heck of it, for the money, so taking off shouldn't be a problem for me. But I was born with my mom's work hard attitude.
Oh well, they've driven off and they are probably passing Dallas right now. All I can do is lie in bed and think of my memories of driving towards the border, the excitement of being on the bridge, and the fulfillment I would receive as I'd set foot on Mexican land...and wish I hadn't grown up!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Simpsons and the Catholic Church
I was so tired after work today I laid down and turned the TV on with hopes of falling asleep. I surfed through the limited number of channels that we have and ended up on WB; the Simpsons were on. I don't really like to watch the Simpsons, but Marge Simpson made a comment to Bart, "Don't even think about touching that Rosary." I got curious so I left it. Of course, coming from the Catholic baground, I had to watch.
Apparently Home and Marge had enrolled Bart in a private Catholic school, and he was begining to believe in what they were teaching him. Marge began to get uncomfortable, so she sent Homer to take him out. He went to talk to the priest to tell him that they wanted Bart out. Somehow, my half asleep brain didn't catch it all, the priest ended up telling Homer, "You can be in good standing with God and have a clean heart your entire life if you confess your sins and truly repent." I was very suprised to hear this, just because it was the Simpsons.
Homer ended up joining the Catholic church with Bart. And Marge ended up going to Flanders (the Christian neighbor) and the pastor to ask for help. I got a trip out of this. They barged into Bart's classroom and Marge said, "I haven't raised you the last 5 years to become a Catholic!" Hmmm, where have I heard that before? :)
She felt that the only way to get him to go back to being a protestant was by taking him to a "youth festival" with Cristian bands and games, etc. Bart was getting tired of Marge telling him what religion to be, until he saw a paintball game going on. Marge thought that she had convinced him that being a protestant was more fun. Bart simply said, "You don't get it!" Suddenly Homer and the priest show up shooting paintballs at Marge and saying, "Come back to our fun boy!" The next line, I was truly amazed! Bart said, "Hey now, it's my turn to talk. You all don't get it! Why does it matter what religion it is? It's all Christianity! The small differences shouldn't matter, the truth is what should be more important to you than the name Catholic or protestant!"When would you have imagined to hear Bart say this, much less that it would be in the Simpson's show, period?
It was twisted for me, simply because I went from being a Catholic to Christian, then again, what would be the right word? Either way, and to see that this character that's the worst example for anyone, goes from Christian to Catholic, how weird!
Apparently Home and Marge had enrolled Bart in a private Catholic school, and he was begining to believe in what they were teaching him. Marge began to get uncomfortable, so she sent Homer to take him out. He went to talk to the priest to tell him that they wanted Bart out. Somehow, my half asleep brain didn't catch it all, the priest ended up telling Homer, "You can be in good standing with God and have a clean heart your entire life if you confess your sins and truly repent." I was very suprised to hear this, just because it was the Simpsons.
Homer ended up joining the Catholic church with Bart. And Marge ended up going to Flanders (the Christian neighbor) and the pastor to ask for help. I got a trip out of this. They barged into Bart's classroom and Marge said, "I haven't raised you the last 5 years to become a Catholic!" Hmmm, where have I heard that before? :)
She felt that the only way to get him to go back to being a protestant was by taking him to a "youth festival" with Cristian bands and games, etc. Bart was getting tired of Marge telling him what religion to be, until he saw a paintball game going on. Marge thought that she had convinced him that being a protestant was more fun. Bart simply said, "You don't get it!" Suddenly Homer and the priest show up shooting paintballs at Marge and saying, "Come back to our fun boy!" The next line, I was truly amazed! Bart said, "Hey now, it's my turn to talk. You all don't get it! Why does it matter what religion it is? It's all Christianity! The small differences shouldn't matter, the truth is what should be more important to you than the name Catholic or protestant!"When would you have imagined to hear Bart say this, much less that it would be in the Simpson's show, period?
It was twisted for me, simply because I went from being a Catholic to Christian, then again, what would be the right word? Either way, and to see that this character that's the worst example for anyone, goes from Christian to Catholic, how weird!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Question of the day
If you had, lets say 3 hours to yourself, no one to bother you, anyone that you may live with (parents/brothers/sisters/husband/children, whatever) won't be around...these 3 hours are meant just for you....what would be the ideal thing to do in those 3 hours that are meant JUST FOR YOU?
1:00 am
It's 1 a.m. and I should be asleep. I know, if you know me, you know that I tend to stay up super late anyways. Half the time, I'm going to bed as my parents are getting up to get ready for work. Call me crazy, but my sleep habits aren't that great. Anyway...I planned on going to bed at 10 or so (wishful thinking). I decided to clean up my room a bit and move some of my small furniture around in my room. I got done and decided to go online and check out my friend's myspaces.
I haven't been to Cru (Campus Crusade) in about a month or so, and I've been thinking about my friends. But the funny thing is, I don't miss them all that much. I don't know, perhaps I'm in a place where life is going on, changes are ocurring, and it's time for me to move on. I tend to stay quite busy these days either way, whether it be with church stuff or work or school. But the enthusiasm, that desire to want to be around them, meet up with them at S'bucks until 1/2 am (told you I go to bed late) is no longer there.
Then I think about Chi Alpha in Commerce, do I want to continue with that? I love it because of the worship, but that's about it. And the thought of Commerce just isn't really calling me right now. It's almost like I'm not certain if I need to go back there. It's like I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm feeling the way I did this past semester, torn between two places.
Someone once told me that perhaps I ought to stop going to my church when I'm in Commerce (won't mention any names :) ) to make it feel more like I'm actually gone. But the thought of not seeing those that have lifted me up so many times...well it's not pretty.
I wish I was Adam Sandler's character in the movie Click. i haven't seen the movie, but it's about this guy that finds a universal remote that allows him to fast-forward and rewind to different parts of his life. If anything, I'd fast-forward just to see what my future holds, how far off everything is in my life. I'd also fast forward past nights like these where so many thoughts are running through my head. If anything, I'd rewind back to when my grandmother was around. Just because I'd do anything to have her around at this moment. Seeing her sweet face always cheered me up.
We won't have to worry about meaningless things like these in heaven!!!
I haven't been to Cru (Campus Crusade) in about a month or so, and I've been thinking about my friends. But the funny thing is, I don't miss them all that much. I don't know, perhaps I'm in a place where life is going on, changes are ocurring, and it's time for me to move on. I tend to stay quite busy these days either way, whether it be with church stuff or work or school. But the enthusiasm, that desire to want to be around them, meet up with them at S'bucks until 1/2 am (told you I go to bed late) is no longer there.
Then I think about Chi Alpha in Commerce, do I want to continue with that? I love it because of the worship, but that's about it. And the thought of Commerce just isn't really calling me right now. It's almost like I'm not certain if I need to go back there. It's like I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm feeling the way I did this past semester, torn between two places.
Someone once told me that perhaps I ought to stop going to my church when I'm in Commerce (won't mention any names :) ) to make it feel more like I'm actually gone. But the thought of not seeing those that have lifted me up so many times...well it's not pretty.
I wish I was Adam Sandler's character in the movie Click. i haven't seen the movie, but it's about this guy that finds a universal remote that allows him to fast-forward and rewind to different parts of his life. If anything, I'd fast-forward just to see what my future holds, how far off everything is in my life. I'd also fast forward past nights like these where so many thoughts are running through my head. If anything, I'd rewind back to when my grandmother was around. Just because I'd do anything to have her around at this moment. Seeing her sweet face always cheered me up.
We won't have to worry about meaningless things like these in heaven!!!
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Awkwardness
Ever been in a conversation with someone so close to you, yet so distant at the same time? You want to be open and honest with them, but you feel like you can't because you're afraid it will hurt things between the two. You know so many things, and want to let that person know because you feel its right, but you know its also wrong. You do your best to keep your mouth shut, and the only way to do it is by saying, "Know what, I gotta go". It can cause a great headache!
I'm in this position at this moment. I know things about a certain someone, and feel it best that a relative in this situation know about it, after all they are their parent. However, this person is of age to make his/her decisions. Yet I can't help but feel the need to say, "You need to know the entire story...." But I know that if I let those words out, the relationship between the two of us could end. And as much as I don't want that to happen, at the same time I do. Its almost to the point where I said, "You know, this is going to be the last time I talk to you." Because it would be one less thing to worry about.
Okay...I feel much better now. :)
I'm in this position at this moment. I know things about a certain someone, and feel it best that a relative in this situation know about it, after all they are their parent. However, this person is of age to make his/her decisions. Yet I can't help but feel the need to say, "You need to know the entire story...." But I know that if I let those words out, the relationship between the two of us could end. And as much as I don't want that to happen, at the same time I do. Its almost to the point where I said, "You know, this is going to be the last time I talk to you." Because it would be one less thing to worry about.
Okay...I feel much better now. :)
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Alabaster Jar
A little over a month ago, I heard this song at Chi Alpha in Commerce. It was our last meeting for the semester. The entire evening was simply a night of worship, singing our praises to our Heavenly Father. We began to sing this song, a song I had never heard before, don't know if you have either. But as I heard it and began to sing, tears just started flowing.
I was able to hear this song again today, after a friend at work let me borrow her cd Overtaken, a cd from Christ for the Nations night of worship. The song was actually written by the director of School of Worship at Christ for the Nations Inst. in Dallas.
I can't explain what actually caused my heart to just let out the tears. But I remember feeling so free that night, free from everything that was on my mind in those days. You can't hear it, so read it. Perhaps you can tell me what it was about the song that gave me that sense of freedom...
Alabaster Jar
Zach Neese
This alabaster jar,Is all I have of worth
I break it at Your feet, Lord, It's less than You deserve
You're far more beautiful, More precious than oil
The sum of my desires, and the fullness of my joy
Like you spilled your blood, I spill my heart as an offering to my King
Chorus
Here I am, take me
As an offering
Here I am, giving every heartbeat
For your glory take me
The time that I have left, Is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord, It's less than you deserve
And though I've little strength, And though my days are few
You have Your life for me, So I will live my life for You
Like You spilled Your blood, I spill my heart as an offering to my King
(Bridge)
Worthy, worthy, You are worthy, Worthy is the Lord
I was able to hear this song again today, after a friend at work let me borrow her cd Overtaken, a cd from Christ for the Nations night of worship. The song was actually written by the director of School of Worship at Christ for the Nations Inst. in Dallas.
I can't explain what actually caused my heart to just let out the tears. But I remember feeling so free that night, free from everything that was on my mind in those days. You can't hear it, so read it. Perhaps you can tell me what it was about the song that gave me that sense of freedom...
Alabaster Jar
Zach Neese
This alabaster jar,Is all I have of worth
I break it at Your feet, Lord, It's less than You deserve
You're far more beautiful, More precious than oil
The sum of my desires, and the fullness of my joy
Like you spilled your blood, I spill my heart as an offering to my King
Chorus
Here I am, take me
As an offering
Here I am, giving every heartbeat
For your glory take me
The time that I have left, Is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord, It's less than you deserve
And though I've little strength, And though my days are few
You have Your life for me, So I will live my life for You
Like You spilled Your blood, I spill my heart as an offering to my King
(Bridge)
Worthy, worthy, You are worthy, Worthy is the Lord
Monday, June 05, 2006
The Big Picture
I was talking to J this morning about being back home, my days in Maryland, and how I missed it. As we were ready to get off the phone, I said, "If I ever move (especially somewhere as far as Maryland), I will not tell you. I will call and email, but I won't mention being hundreds of miles away." Ha-ha! We joked around a bit about the thought, then I said, "Alright, it's time for me to figure out why I am here, how my life makes sense back at home." I got ready for work and returned to my regular routine.
Throughout the day, I thought of a conversation I had with Erin. It started off with a conversation about dating and what I thought of it, how we viewed it, etc. And the conversation shifted to my family, our past, our present, who I am and who my family has made me to be. Family tied in because I see what I want for my future, or shall I say, what I don't want.
So those were thoughts that were going through my mind. I sat and thought of what I would love my kids to be like. How could I not? I work with kids! Then I thought of the kind of parent I want to be, if I ever am blessed with a husband and children. I won't go through that big ol' list...
Earlier this evening, I was watching the series finale of Everwood on the WB. I used to watch it non-stop, mainly because of the love story between Amy and Ephram. Anyways, Ephram was at a point where he wanted to see the big picture for his life, as his dad was about to propose to the women that he loved. (Ephram's mom was dead) I loved what his dad said, "The big picture depends on how you look at it. How do you look in the big picture? Are you smiling? Are you happy? That's the big picture!"
That brought me back to my initial question of this morning, why am I here? How does my life make sense at home? Do my plans make sense in my life? Do they make me smile? To me they do, but perhaps not to God. After all, He's the one that determines what happens and how. And I arrived to a conclusion, a conclusion that perhaps should be the same among other Christians.
The big picture should always be an amazing picture, because it comes from God. He gives us life and everything in between that and death. Every moment should be a joyful moment, because it makes us who we are. That is only because Christ chose the cross, and for that, the least we could do is be thankful and glorify Him. It's as John Piper pretty much says in his book Don't Waste Your Life:
"God created us to live with a single passion to joyfully display his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. The wasted life is the life without this passion. God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of, but to make much of him in every part of our lives."
Throughout the day, I thought of a conversation I had with Erin. It started off with a conversation about dating and what I thought of it, how we viewed it, etc. And the conversation shifted to my family, our past, our present, who I am and who my family has made me to be. Family tied in because I see what I want for my future, or shall I say, what I don't want.
So those were thoughts that were going through my mind. I sat and thought of what I would love my kids to be like. How could I not? I work with kids! Then I thought of the kind of parent I want to be, if I ever am blessed with a husband and children. I won't go through that big ol' list...
Earlier this evening, I was watching the series finale of Everwood on the WB. I used to watch it non-stop, mainly because of the love story between Amy and Ephram. Anyways, Ephram was at a point where he wanted to see the big picture for his life, as his dad was about to propose to the women that he loved. (Ephram's mom was dead) I loved what his dad said, "The big picture depends on how you look at it. How do you look in the big picture? Are you smiling? Are you happy? That's the big picture!"
That brought me back to my initial question of this morning, why am I here? How does my life make sense at home? Do my plans make sense in my life? Do they make me smile? To me they do, but perhaps not to God. After all, He's the one that determines what happens and how. And I arrived to a conclusion, a conclusion that perhaps should be the same among other Christians.
The big picture should always be an amazing picture, because it comes from God. He gives us life and everything in between that and death. Every moment should be a joyful moment, because it makes us who we are. That is only because Christ chose the cross, and for that, the least we could do is be thankful and glorify Him. It's as John Piper pretty much says in his book Don't Waste Your Life:
"God created us to live with a single passion to joyfully display his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. The wasted life is the life without this passion. God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of, but to make much of him in every part of our lives."
No matter how my plans turn out, whether they do or don't, I shall rejoice in what is given to me, because it comes from the one that gave me life. So making sense of my life, I pray, is no longer determined by my plans working out, but by God's plans.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Home once again
My last two days in Maryland were great! Friday, we went to Washington D.C. That was quite exciting, considering it was my first time there. We went to the National Art Gallery. I took tons of pictures of the paintings. Why? I'm not certain, but it was fun. I was amazed at how much Ellie and Rebekah know about art. But then again, how could they not know? You just have to know their mother to understand why that is! :)
We walked up to the capitol building after we left the art museum. Erin was kind enough to explain the difference between the capitol building and the white house. Call me dumb if you like, I just never noticed the differences in the buildings, just the name. Ha-ha!
We walked up to the capitol building after we left the art museum. Erin was kind enough to explain the difference between the capitol building and the white house. Call me dumb if you like, I just never noticed the differences in the buildings, just the name. Ha-ha!
(the Capitol Building, not the white house!)
Saturday morning was a bit of a gloomy day, the day I had to leave. ..
We went to the Leesburg Corner Premium Outlet stores in Leesburg, VA. That was fun. I got to see what it's like for Erin and Steve to try and shop with three girls around. Got to admit, I admire them a bit more, as well as any other friend with three kids. :) Either way, Steve did some shopping for himself. Afterwards, we simply went and ate at the food court so we could head to the airport.
When we got to the airport, Ellie and Rebekah climbed half way out of the van to say goodbye. Ellie gave me a hug and kiss and said bye. Rebekah just held on and said "I'm going to miss you". Had to fight tears there! And of course, I said my goodbye's to Steve and Erin, and walked into the airport. I'm not a person that shows emotions often, so if you thought you'd read that I cried, then you don't know me well! The crying was not going to happen in front of them! :)
The ride to the airport was hard, the thoughts of having to get on an airplane soon and leave to head back home almost 2 thousand miles away, and not knowing when would be the next time that I'd get to see everyone, well you can imagine. It took a lot out of me to keep the tears back! I did good once I was inside the airport and turned to see that they were gone. I went and checked in my bag, headed to the security check point, and walked down the concourse towards the gate. It wasn't until I saw the gate number that I couldn't hold them back anymore. I had no choice but to let them out, so I went into the bathroom and just let the tears flow. Let me tell you, the headache I developed on the way to the airport began to go away.
I was able to get myself together and go sit down and wait for the plane. Yeah, well aparently that wasn't enough. I'm a visual person, and when I have an image in my mind, it does a good job at staying there. After looking at so many maps, I knew in what direction Erin and her parents live. Well, I watched the direction in which the airplane was heading to take off and realized that I was facing in the direction that Erin's parents live. I knew that's where they were heading, and the only thaught on my mind was "I don't wanna go!" So I started to fight back more tears. Then as the plane headed to take off, I was facing in the direction of where Erin actually lives, knowing that it was about an hour away, but I knew it was in that direction. So as the plane took off, I looked as far as I could see. Tears started coming out, but I was able to control myself pretty well!
I finally got used to the idea that yes, I would in fact be leaving the Teskes behind and having to go back to my normal life. So I relaxed as we flew to Atlanta. In Atlanta we had a bit of trouble. Storms from the night before prevented flights from coming in and out, so there were tons of people. Vanessa was at the airport two hours early, but with the numer of people there, her check in time came and went. She was placed on the standby list for the eight o'clock flight. I had no choice but to miss my flight so I could be sure of her return.
We watched as the 8:00 pm flight boarded, and never heard our names called. I went to find out about the flight, and the lady said, "They called your name but you never came up." First off, my name was never called...grrr! Second of all, there is no second of all. Well, with the emotions I had bottled up inside and the frustration of not knowing if we'd be getting home soon or not, I broke down a bit. I hurried up and got Vanessa and I on the standby list for the last flight out which was at 10:55 p.m., and quickly turned and walked away. I did my darnest to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. Vanessa just looked at me and didn't know what to say. Of course, I explained all the crying I wanted to do as I left Maryland but couldn't, and the frustrations there, and that I was tired, etc. etc. I had to get something to drink to calm down(no worries, it was a soft drink!), so we ordered food for her and a coke for me.
We waited for the next flight with hopes of being able to get on. Before the plane had arrived, they called our names and gave us tickets. That was an honest answer to my prayers, as well as the prayers of others I had spoken with about the situation. Needless to say, we arrived at midnight in Dallas. I still stayed up an extra hour, just trying to get things together for the morning.
I've been sitting in my room the past couple of hours, getting up every so often to put clothes in the washer or get something to drink. But as I sit here, I can't help but listen to all the noises outside: cars, planes, sirens, and I realize that I miss the peacefulness I felt while at Erin's. Not only that, but I miss the girls coming into my room and playing on my laptop, and Anna wanting to watch Narnia, and simply having them all right there. Hmmm....(Erin, when did you say you'd be moving back??? ) :)
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