Friday, December 22, 2006

2 am

In approximately 4 hours, 2 am, my folks and I will begin to make our way to Mexico. We will drive for about 14 hours to Chihuahua to see my mom's family. I have questioned how this trip is going to be for the past week. I am not too certain how I feel about it.

In the past 4 years, I've gone to Chihuahua very few times. Any times that I've gone, it's been an overnight thing, either to take my mom or pick her up. The longest I've been down there is a week, and that was when my aunt passed away last Thanksgiving ('05). And even then, things felt quite different.

So I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings when we arrive. I know one thing's for sure, I'm going to be exhausted. I'll get to drive during the dark hours, but thanks to J's S'bux card she got me for Christmas/birthday, I'll definitely be wide awake!

For now, I should probably go get as much sleep as I can. We'll see how this trip goes. In the meantime, Merry Christmas everyone!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Guadalupe


On December 9th, 1531, Mary the mother of Jesus, at least believed to be her, appeared to an indian named Juan Diego. She told him that she wanted a church built on Tepeyac, a hill. He immediately went to go see the bishop, but the bishop wanted proof of such thing. Juan Diego became confused and avoided going through Tepeyac out of fear. A few days later, his uncle became ill and had no choice but to cross through, it was December 12th.

As he was running, the Virgen (not misspelt, it's in Spanish) appeared to him. Juan Diego told him of the bishop's request. The Virgen instructed him to take a handfull of roses. Juan Diego was once again confused, because roses were not common in that area. But the Virgen pointed him to a hill where he could find some, miraculously grown by her.

He ran to take the roses to the priest as proof. Before the bishop, he let the roses fall, and on his mantle was an image of La Virgen Morena (the dark virgin). The bishop immediately ordered that a church be built in her name.

On December 12th of every year, thousands of Mexicans walk miles and miles to reach the Basilica de Guadalupe in Mexico to honor La Reina de Mexico, the Queen of Mexico.

On December 8th of this year, a new movie came out called "Guadalupe". What is about? Juan Diego's vision of the Virgen the Guadalupe.

I actually hope to go see this movie with my mom, either before going to Mexico or while we are down there. I grew up showing much devotion to the Virgen because I was raised to honor her, and pray to her whenever things were not okay. Of course, I always questioned why it was her I was praying to and not Jesus, but I still could not help but feel that it was what I was supposed to do.

I don't discredit the story of an aparition. I have for many years, however, questioned why so much devotion to the Virgen*aka Mary* and intercession asked of her on people's behalf, when we can go directly to Jesus.

Deep down inside, I hold onto my feelings of the Virgen. I was given a gold necklace with her image on it at my QuinceaƱera, Sweet 15. I look at it many times and wish I could wear it. But my devotion has changed.

I still hold onto the excitement at going to see the story of her apparition in Mexico. It's where my roots are from, I'm a Mexican! And who knows, just as The Passion gave such a strong image of what Jesus did for me, I may get a better understanding of Mexico's devotion to La Virgen de Guadalupe.

As December 12th came around this year, for the first time in 23 years, I forgot the signficance of the date. It wasn't until I turned on the tv at 5 am and saw the images of the pilgrimage to the Basilica that I realized what day it was. I wish I could explain what I felt...one thing I do know, I wish I could have made that pilgrimage at least once, so I could know what it's like for all those Mexicans that walk hundreds of miles, just to get a glimpse of that mantle. Who knows, maybe some day I'll get to go there and get a glimpse of it. It won't mean that it's her that I worship, right? But until then...I shall only go see a movie!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Tough moments

The body of Christ, from the last I heard, was all made up of those in Christ, but we were all one. And from the last that I knew, we were to worry about what would benefit the body of Christ, not ourselves. So why does it feel like everyone is fending for themselves? Everyone is looking at their personal needs before looking at the needs of the Body.

I haven't had to struggle with this thought before, but I struggle with it today. I began to struggle with it at 3:26 am when a friend was hurting and sharing certain feelings. Then anger began to build up inside of me because my friend should not be hurting. And I can't get out of my mind a conversation that Erin and I once had.

We once talked about church programs, what they "do for us" and what they "don't do" for us. This seems to be what I've been hearing so much of lately, "Well this isn't filling my need here" or "Their needs aren't being met". Why? Because ministry is being defined by actions, by fun, by games, by a non-realistic view. And instead they say, "Well I'm not being ministered to (which is a lie), so I'll go somewhere else." Perhaps I'm being close-minded, but since when has the church been all about me? If I remember Jesus' ministry correctly, it was all about God and his glory and his grace and his righteousness and what he did on the cross, and ALL HIM.

Why are people so scared to put themselves out there? Why don't they give it a shot at ministering to others, instead of focusing on being ministered to? A friend once told me, "You can't minister unless you're being ministered to." That thought was great help when I realized my relationship with Christ wasn't where it should be. But now as I look at it through a different window, I realize that we've all been given a God-given gift, and we are to put that gift to use in one way or another to lift up the Body, to serve the Body, not to be served to. God takes care of our needs, not people. What would be the point of God making each and every one of us unique if we aren't going to put his gifts to use? They would be a waist, and that is not God!

I don't have a singles group around, but am I being ministered to? Yes! Through the Word every Sunday morning, through my friend(s) which share spiritual thoughts or insight into God's Word, through my reading of the Word. Is there a college group around? No! But does that stop me from studying the Word? No! If the Word is being fed to me, what else do I need? Fellowship? Everyone has that opportunity on Sunday mornings after church, it's just up to everyone if they choose to run out as soon as church is over, or stay and talk with everyone. Or through other opportunities.

Should I focus on what I need? Or should I focus on what I can be doing for other's needs through what God has empowered me to do? Have I been burnt out? Yes! But would I continue to do as much as I have been? Yes! Why? Because it is ministering to others. Do I need a break? Yes! But am I going to be selfish and say, "Well I'm not being ministered to, so I'm going to find another place?" Has the thought crossed my mind? I'll be honest, it came to mind two weeks ago as Charlie told me, "Come to church with me. We can go to the college group on Wednesdays. And the worship is amazing on Sundays." But as I heard my friend last night, I had to see another side of the ministering. Will I give up just like everyone else and "amputate the Body" as someone put it? Or will I "press on toward the goal" and put those gifts to use?

I will not be led by those that say, "Well who is ministering to you?" Because I know that no program can minister to me the way God and His Word can minister to me. I just wish right now that everyone could see that! I wish they could see that they don't need some program...Erin, when shall we start that Christian cruise? That might be the solution everyone is looking for these days!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Too much!

Simplify! That's the only thing that crosses my mind. What could I do without? In a way, I feel like I could do without everything! Coming back to my room for longer than a weekend has made me realize how much junk I have! I look into my closet and see all the little things I have like stuffed animals that "my kids" have given me, keepsake boxes filled with junk, and other stuff.

So as I've pondered what I'm supposed to do with all the extra time on my hands, I've decided that I'm going to simplify. I'm going to go through ALL of my stuff, and everthing that I find crammed in drawers, closet, under the bed, etc. is going! I obviously don't need it. I mean, I've been without it for 4 months in school, I must not need it. Not to mention that I have no space for my clothes that I've brought home. Not that I have much, I just don't have anywhere to put them!

I will say that going through all of it isn't going to be easy, considering how easily distracted I am. I found a scrapbook that I started a year ago. The first picture is a picture of me on my first day at home. And it appears that I stopped at the point where I was sort of honoring my grandmother with all the pictures I have of her. That's something else to do!

In the mean time, simplifying it is!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Hidden

"We should be hidden in Christ, not Christ hidden in us." - Audra, Cru

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

What to do, what to do...

My semester is finally over. As of midnight, I am done with all of my classes. I can't say I am confident on how my finals went, considering I was under the influence of prescription drugs. No worries, no addiction! I have simply been fighting a sinusitis infection. You should have seen me on Tuesday, it was awful. I woke up in tears from the pain in both of my ears. Note, not just one, but both ears! Ugh! What a great way to live during finals week, huh?

I was definitely glad to have my friends around. Sweet Alyssa drove me to the doctor and to get my meds. It was only during the early morning hours, before the sun was up, that I was really wishing I had mom around! But Alyssa came to the rescue as soon as she could! And then there were the friends that recommended the Vitamin C and OJ, oh and sleep of course. Not mentioning any names, cause these people know who they are! You pushy sisters! ;)

But back to the big picture...IT'S OVER! I didn't see an end in sight for the longest time, but it's finally here. And now I lay here on my bed, at 11 something at night, wondering what the next few days will be like. I'm not used to just thinking of nothing! Granted I'm still working on our church's mission trip and getting that organized as best as possible. And I do have a deadline for that, but to think that people can help me out there, while no one could help me out with school stuff, well it makes a big difference.

So what do I do? Do I pick up one of the many books I plan on reading during the break, and start reading? Do I consider doing some deep cleaning in this house which our new, permanent visitor, Pedro, has opted to take over with it's dog hair? Do I plan on packing for a trip? Who do I go see? I haven't seen my nieces since last week, and that is pretty good, considering I hadn't seen them in three months even though I came home every weekend.

This is just so weird. I won't have my routine anymore of going to class, eating lunch with the girls, being in my room reading, im'ing, emailing, or watching tv, eating dinner, and back to the room again for sleep. You might think "Well hello, do the same at home!" But it isn't the same! My buddies aren't around to make my routine the same. The food from the caf won't be cooked, I'll have to cook my own lunch. We don't have cable here...I think I might go crazy. I mean, one can watch Elizabethtown so many times before losing their mind! (Pretty good movie, by the way.)

It shall all be okay. I mean, at least until Saturday, I'll have some fun. My babies will be around...fine Kelley, your babies will be around. But after Saturday, my days will be as boring as can be! I guess I should take it a day at a time. I guess I could start by unloading my car. :)

On a lighter note, I found out that one of my best friends from high school will be at Commerce next semester! I am so excited! Man, she and I used to have some good times in class. If I could only say now the things we used to call each other for fun, ha! If you heard it now, you'd think "Why in the world would you call each other ____?" But even as she and I were talking on the phone about how she'd walk in the room and give her usual comment when she'd see me or I see her, we couldn't help but laugh. I definitely can't wait to have her around again!

Oh, and to end things even better, I found out I might be able to graduate in December of 2007, at the latest May of 2008, NOT 2009 like I had thought. But I am aiming for December of 2007! That means I'll stay in Commerce for the summer. I am actually looking forward to that thought. Why? Not certain. I mean, our mall is Wal-Mart. LOL. But I still like the idea of staying there. I wouldn't be alone, Charlie boy would be there. Poor thing, he was in Commerce during this past summer all alone. Felt so bad for him. We could keep each other company next summer. But yeah, when I heard my advisor say "You could graduate in December of next year", I was definitely smiling! We'll just have to see what God has got in mind!

In the meantime, off I go to figure out what book it was J told me to read. Perhaps the library can be something I do tomorrow. Who knows...what do you suggest that I do?

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Locked in the room

When I returned from my classes this morning, I found a note that said "Erica, please knock. I will open up the door." This was a rather odd request, considering I've never had to knock before. I knocked. Erin yelled, "Hang on, I'm coming, hang on a sec" and about 2 minutes later, she finally came to the door. "Sorry, I'm working on my secret santa gift. I just laughed.

She asked me if I'd go into the bedroom and stay in there 'til she was finished. That was fine with me, considering that's where I'm always at. After about an hour, I was ready to eat something. I opened up the door, and I see this body running and screaming at me, "NOOOOO!!!" I immediately shut the door out of fear that Erin was going to do something to me. I could not help but laugh. She finally got done hiding everthing so I could go and heat me up some noodles.

Throughout the entire day, that's all I heard. "No!" "Wait!" "Hold on!" By the late afternoon, I got sick of being in the room and staring at my computer. So I left and headed to the library to do some research for a paper. I got back around 5 to discover that Erin was done with what she had been doing.


Well, the same evening, all the girls were getting together because we were going to do our Secret Santa. Erin and Alyssa got some free pizzas from Pizza hut, which was pretty cool, so we had pizza for dinner. Immediately after getting done, Erin decides she's going to take out the trash. We couldn't understsand why because we all just figured, "It can be thrown out when they go to the rec later." But she insisted so we let her.


5 minutes later, she opens the door and yells "Where's everyone at?" I was in the room looking at something on the computer. Sophie comes and says, "Erica, come here, Erin wants us all in the living room." So I went...she opens the door and reveals this....


All day long, she worked on making me a pillowcase. She was too sweet! She remembered that our first week back, I missed out on all the fun back-to-school stuff because of work, and I was the only one that did not get a pillowcase made. So she decided to make me a pillowcase as my gift. I was sooooo excited. Who knew someone could get so excited over a pillowcase? :-)

So there you have it...I was locked in my room because of a pillowcase!

Oh, and I should mention that not only was I Erin's secret santa, but Erin was my secret santa too...HA!HA! As Erin put it, "We were meant to be..."

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

From windows to SURPRISE!

Last night at dinner, the big question for the night was, "Are you leaving Thursday or Friday?" Here's that part of the conversation:

Erin: So have you decided if you're going Thursday?
Erica: We'll see what the weather looks like on Thursday. I told Kelley I'd call her Thursday.
Alyssa: So if you don't leave Thursday, will you leave Friday?
Erica: Yes, I want to spend time with my babies and help Kelley out.
Alyssa: Foo, this is the only and last weekend we are going to spend together before finals.
Erica: I know, but I'll get to see you guys after December, Kelley and my babies I won't til who knows when.
Erin: Oh, that's true. Alrighty, I guess we won't get to all be together our last weekend.
Erica: You aren't pulling the guilt trip card on me, nothing will make me change my mind!
Alyssa: That's alright....
So we finished eating. I went back to Whitley while Alyssa and Erin went to Wal-Mart. They took about 2 hours, didn't know what was taking them long, but as I was going to call Alyssa to see where they were, they walked in. This is when our illegal window-opening event happened. Well, guess what? It wasn't about Erin wanting to open up the windows...it wasn't about how hot it was at all!
I woke up this morning and got ready for class. I couldn't find my keys, and I couldn't trace my steps back to last night to remember what I had done with them. I found them hanging on a hook by our microwave. I didn't make much of it.
When I got to the car, I discovered this....

The card says "Happy Early 24th Birthday!"


I got some kettle popcorn, a mug with hot chococlate, caramel filled chocolates, and crayons (Alyssa's idea with the crayons).

Tons of balloons! They make my car look so pretty!!!

And streamers all over the inside of my car, tied on the steering wheel, and of course, on my antenna.

I was definitely surprised! I was actually in tears after I figured out how to drive my car with all the balloons and stuff inside. It wasn't until I got to the journalism building that I figured out what all had happened last night, when they did all of this, and MY KEYS!

So last nights conversation was all about finding out if I'd be here, because they were planning a surprise for my birthday. My birthday isn't until Dec. 31st, but we won't be together, everyone will be at home and I won't even be in the country. So this was Plan B.

My friends are truly amazing! We've all had a rough semester, but we've made it! And to see the love that they have shown me with this surprise...man! They have stuck with me during good times and bad, when I've been at my best and most importantly, when I've been at my worst. God has truly blessed me by placing Erin, Alyssa, Loma, and Sophie in my life. So I can't always have the seriousness I long for like I get from my other friends...but I wouldn't trade these girls in for anything in the world. 10 months ago, I struggled with not knowing how I'd make friends in this tiny little town...today, I am blessed with 4 amazing friends that spent the little they had to make my day. This will be the best present (next to Chili's with my friends) that I've had so far!!! THANKS GIRLIES!!!!

Such rebels!

This Texas weather is so getting on my nerves. I have gone from hot, to cold, to hot within a matter of weeks. It was so cold at one point I had to ask a friend for a heating blanket because my heater wasn't turned on by the residence hall. And now, I'm dying for them to turn on the a/c, and am down to one blanket.

The heat has gotten so bad, and all from the humidity, that my roommate and I decided to break the rules and run the risk of getting fined. We wanted to open up our windows, but knew that we couldn't because they are screwed shut. We decided to pull out her socket wrench and unscrew all the windows. As she was unscrewing the first window, we laughed at the thought that they would have a silent alarm that would tell them the window was opened. We were planning what to do if someone came knocking at the door. So we ended up opening just one window.

Then late at night, she walked into the room and called me into the living. "What do you think..." as we looked at the windows, "do we open them all up?" At this point, I didn't care, "PLEASE DO!" So she pulled out her socket wrench and began unscrewing the windows. She opened up her three in the livingroom, I opened up the ones in the bedroom.

We were doing fine until we heard a knock. I immediately jumped out of my chair, went into the living room and looked at Erin. She was already half-way to the door. "What are you doing!?! The windows!" But she opened up the door before I could finish. Sure enough, it was Mark, our RA. I freaked out, tried to hide it, didn't work. Erin thought he was looking at me, since she was standing in front of him, and I was about 5 feet behind her. He was staring at the three windows that were open in the livingroom. I was waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. As soon as Erin closed the door, I felt myself breathing again.

It was so funny! And now, here I sit, cooled down by the neutral air that is circulating thanks to the windows that we opened. And here's the best part...we opened up the windows cause it was so stinkin' hot, yet I found out earlier than in a couple of days, we could get below freezing weather. Will we ever know what the weather is going to be like in Texas? Probably not! But in the meantime, we'll stay cool for the night. We'll worry about how we'll hide the space heaters we aren't allowed to have when it gets cold! Ha-ha!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Last night

Ok...so last night's post was a bit different. Those feelings I had as I posted were an onset of a battle I've had within me. I have been fighting something, something I'm not about to put out for everyone to read :), but it's been a battle. And last night, the fight was on!

When I realized what I had written, and the fight creeping up, I knew I had to win! This battle is coming from the one trying to keep me away from God, I know it. So I said, "You aren't winning this one!" I grabbed my keys, id, and mp3 player my dad so kindly bought me while in Arkansas. I hopped on my bike, put my music on, and just rode in the darkness. It was cloudy, and looked like it was going to rain. But that was okay, I knew why I wanted to be outside.

As I listened to Chris Tomlin and Big Daddy Weave (no, it isn't rap music :) ) and Nichole Nordeman, I sought the one I had not felt standing next to me earlier that night. I looked at His creation around me, and just admired Him for who He is. And through out the 30 minutes I was out riding on campus late at night, I didn't exactly feel His presence, but I knew that he was a lot closer to me than when I was fighting that battle earlier in my room.

I still don't understand many times why God will let us feel that He isn't with us. I feel it many times, lately I've come to see more some reasons why I might feel this way. I guess it's His way of reminding us that it's Him we need to keep before anyone and anything. But it's an awful feeling when I don't feel His presence. But He's there, waiting perhaps for me to make the first move to call out His name.